Month: May 2012

The Lydster, Part 98: A Poem

The Daughter wanted it published on a Saturday. I’m nothing if not an accommodating parent.

My daughter wrote a poem and wanted to publish it. Isn’t a blog a form of publishing? So with her permission:

Sally Wotsen by Lydia Green

My name is Sally Wotsen

I’m as sick as I can be

I have 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 sting ray stings on my knee

I feel too sick to go to school
so please stay home with me
today.

What is that you say?
Today is Saturday?

Bye, I’m going out to play.

(c) 2012 Lydia Green

She also wanted it published on a Saturday, and this was the first Saturday the 26th since she wrote it a month or so ago. I’m nothing if not an accommodating parent.

The blogs as squirrel nuts

Ah, let’s see what kind of traffic I can drive here by talking about pornography!

Shooting Parrots wrote:

Ever since I was a boy, I’ve collected ‘interesting’ bits of information. I put that in quotes because by interesting, I mean interesting to me. I can’t speak for anyone else.

I collected them like a squirrel gathers nuts, tasty kernels of facts that I then bury away somewhere because I know they’ll come in handy one day.

But like the squirrel, too often I forget where I’ve buried them, or I remember only half the story, which can be worse.

That’s one of the reasons I keep this blog. If I record things somewhere that has its own search facility then I have a better than even chance of finding it again when I need it.

Absolutely. It’s the reason I write the blog for work and ESPECIALLY the blog for the New York State Data Center affiliates, not to mention my own.

This was my response:

I was saddened when someone I thought knew me quite well said recently, “You spend so much time on that blog, and you don’t get paid!” Which, of course, misses the point completely. I do get paid – in relationships, in therapy I don’t have to pay for and in a place to store my squirrel nuts.

Mr. Parrot replied:

You’re right, of course, Roger. If people only spent time on the web because they got paid, there wouldn’t be much of it other than Amazon, e-Bay, and porn!

Ah, let’s see what kind of traffic I can drive here by talking about pornography! PORNOGRAPHY! Nah. Truth is, I don’t even look at the numbers anymore – PORNOGRAPHY! – because, and I believe I’m merely paraphrasing Alan David Doane, I do this for me. Though I DO like comments…
***
And speaking of PORNOGRAPHY, some damn filter has been installed at my work computer. One of the blogs I visited regularly was tagged as PORNOGRAPHY, maybe because it occasionally has a woman not fully dressed. I appealed it, saying it was a personal blog, but not PORNOGRAPHY.

They wrote: “You submitted the following rating request to [company]:
Rate [site] as “34.Personals and Dating”
The request has been reviewed and rated as:
“41.Glamour/Society”

Which is hysterical.

Good Deeds Gone Almost Wrong

Some guy comes on the porch, and I open the door to hand him the checkbook when I noticed a policeman standing off to my left.


My wife found an iPhone on the street last month, near our house. She rang our neighbor’s doorbell to see if any of the guys had lost it; they had not. Then she went home, but as she was on the porch, she showed it to the woman next door, and it was hers; it must have fallen out of her pocket when her father dropped her off.

We’re always trying to do the right thing with lost items, in no small part because that’s what we would want someone to do for us. Once, a few years ago, I found a set of keys at a bus stop, lying on the top of a newspaper kiosk. Not knowing what else to do, I took them to the nearest CVS drug store – the person had one of those ExtraCare discount cards. THEY could get his address and phone number.

Four or five years ago, I found a checkbook in on the sidewalk leaving the nearby Mobil station. I called the person – the phone number was on the checks – and asked the guy if he wanted me to mail the checks or did he wanted to pick them up. He said he would pick them up.

At the appointed hour, some guy comes on the porch, and I open the door to hand him the checkbook when I noticed a policeman standing off to my left. The cop wanted to talk with me. Almost instinctively, my wife grabs my daughter and comes to the doorway; she wants the officer to know that I’m a family guy. I explain to the officer the same thing that I told the loser the guy who lost the checkbook. Apparently, he was anticipating some sort of shakedown.

This really ticked me off. I COULD have mailed to him, as I told him. Subsequently, and I have found a wallet and a credit card since then, I drop off the item at the police station and let the cops sort it out.

If they tell you it’s an “upgrade,” be wary

If a REAL fire were to have broken out at that point, we probably all would have perished.

At work on Thursday night, the building folks took down the phones. They were only offline for a half hour and it was at the end of the day. Under the old system, if I got a phone call when I was away from my desk, the icon for my line would be altered. Moreover, this bright red light would show up on my phone. Now, the only way to tell is that I get an e-mail sent to me. Moreover, I used to be able to retrieve the main phones if no one was there; I can still do that, but, again, no visual cue. As usual, “upgrade” is a meaningless term.

Frankly, ever since we moved to Corporate (frickin’) Woods seven years ago this month, I have been suspicious of anything we get building-wise as an “improvement.” When we moved from downtown, we were told our old phone system was archaic, and that the new system would be modern and “1000 times better.” What we ACTUALLY got was SO bad that the phone system had to be scrapped altogether six weeks later; our phones and Internet connectivity were THAT awful.

On Thursday and Friday, they were testing the fire alarm system. The one thing I will say about it is that it is sufficiently LOUD and ANNOYING. For Thursday’s test, we were informed of only AFTER the noise from the alarm had started; I was ready to bolt. Friday, we were told it was a test and ignored that noise. But then, 10 minutes later, the alarm went off AGAIN. The folks in my section asked me, the fire marshal for our department if they should go. Heck, I don’t know, but I said to stay, which turned out to be the right decision. Others in the building DID leave but were sent right back to their offices. Of course, if a REAL fire were to have broken out at that point, we probably all would have perished.

Rumors have been floating around that we will move when our lease runs out in a year or so. The state of New York has been shrinking its workforce, and moving us from leased office space to a state-owned building makes a certain amount of sense. People who drive to work may be disappointed, but I, who need to take TWO buses each to and from work when I can’t ride my bicycle, would be thrilled.

S is for Sunburn and Skin Cancer

While my face has darkened somewhat from its vitiligo lightest, my hands and other parts of my body will still burn as though I were a red-haired Irish schoolgirl.

One of the things I have NEVER understood is the appeal of lying in the sun for the sole purpose of lying in the sun; seemed like a waste of time. Going swimming or playing a sport or working on a sunny day, that was OK.

As it turns out, while there is some benefits from the sun in terms of absorption of Vitamin D, the downside of too much sun is quite great.

* “Exposure to sun causes most of the wrinkles and age spots on our faces.” Years ago, visiting my sister in Southern California, I vividly remember seeing this woman at her church. Deep tan, presumably attractive, but her skin looked like shoe leather.

* “Skin cancer is the most prevalent form of all cancers in the U.S. and the number of cases continues to rise. It is the uncontrolled growth of abnormal skin cells. This rapid growth results in tumors, which are either benign (noncancerous) or malignant (cancerous).”

Think those tanning beds are safer? Not according to the US Federal Trade Commission, which notes that claims such as “Get a beautiful tan indoors without increasing your risk of skin cancer” or “Indoor tanning is safer than the sun because the environment is controlled” are myths. In fact, “compared with nonusers, the risk for basal cell carcinoma and squamous cell carcinoma increased by 15 percent for every four visits made to a tanning booth per year; the risk for melanoma increased by 11 percent.” High school and college-aged folks are more vulnerable than those 25-34.

Personally, I always wear hats, even on overcast days. The trick with this winter that wasn’t in the continental US – March was more than 8 degrees F, about 3 degrees C, warmer than normal, more like April – so while it cut down on our heating bills, it also had me needing to get out the sunscreen much earlier. While my face has darkened somewhat from its vitiligo lightest, my hands and other parts of my body will still burn as though I were a red-haired Irish schoolgirl.

So what song should I finish with? Beatles? Sheryl Crow? Bill Withers? Nah, someone I actually saw perform at my college, Jonathan Edwards singing Sunshine.

ABC Wednesday – Round 10

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