I had this friend named Donna George. I knew her from work with the socially active Albany United Methodist Society. I don’t know why, but certain people, including a particular pastor, treated her quite badly, taking advantage of her goodwill. I think that, at some level, I felt a lot of sympathy for her. Ultimately, she saw our relationship one way, and I another, yet we managed to maintain a friendship in spite of that.
In 2002, she was diagnosed with brain cancer. Knowing she would be incapable of making decisions very soon, she got three or four of her friends to come to St. Peter’s hospice to explain her wishes that we divvy up her music, books, and art and give them to various buddies before she died, lest her family, from whom she was mostly estranged, could get their hands on them.
I was one of the folks in charge of the music, giving this person some Sinatra, and that person some classical albums, et al. I held onto a Beach Boys box set, which I had given her, and I also kept the Roberta Flack album Quiet Fire, for it contained a cover of the BeeGees’ To Love Somebody, which represented in song what she wished our relationship would be. I requested it on Coverville back in February (Roberta’s 75th birthday), and Brian Ibbott played it at the 18:50 mark.
The minister who gave her such grief was at the funeral, as was another adversary. I was so miffed.
There was an article in the local newspaper about her contributions to social justice, but I haven’t been able to find it. All I could retrieve was this letter to the editor, which is, remarkably, still relevant, unfortunately.
POPULAR ATTITUDES ABOUT POVERTY DEEPLY FLAWED
Albany Times Union (Albany, NY). (July 28, 2000): News: pA14.
A recent letter to the editor pointedly noted that, in a Times Union photo, a customer in a food pantry line was talking on a cell phone. The writer sarcastically asserted how nice it was that this allegedly poor person could have this convenience while waiting for free food.
This strikes me as an instance where what is “fashionable” allows certain groups to be “fair game.” We look at a photo, assume the worst, and crow about it, knowing that many will buy in, based on very limited evidence.
Yes, this person might be the owner of the cell phone. But here are some other possibilities. The person could need to make an important call for a prospective job at the exact time of his/her appointment at the pantry, and someone lent the phone to solve the dilemma. I know a mom who is among the working poor (the fastest-growing pantry population) who makes other sacrifices so she can have a cell phone to be in close touch with her children while she is performing her job duties — which often require her to be on the go. A relative might provide the gift of a cell phone so that a working parent can stay in ready touch with the children.
The possibilities are nearly endless. But popular views of people in poverty tend to allow for none of these. They are poor and they should have nothing — certainly no “frills!” If they do, they are “getting one over” on the system. All of this is part of a false “them” and “us” way of thinking, and being that it is rampant today, is certainly at odds with both secular compassion and the habits of the heart of any faith community I can think of. We can all do better than this.
DONNA L. GEORGE, Staff Member Albany United Methodist Society
Born: 27 Oct 1949; Died: 20 Sep 2002
Unfortunately, I had EXACTLY this argument last month on Facebook, when a writer was complaining about a person in the supermarket paying for groceries with food stamps while using an iPhone. Apparently if you need public supports you’re supposed to LOOK impoverished and should not have any of the niceties of life. I was somewhat chastised for defending them; maybe they had only recently lost a job and had a contract; perhaps a relative had given it to them; or, it could be their sole phone. Whatever, I suggested it was unwise to judge someone until they had “walked a mile in their shoes.” The response was that they HAD been poor twenty years ago and they had no cell phone! Well, no, not Twenty Years Ago!!
Nice recollection of a friend, Roger.
I knew Donna. Not as well as you, but I knew her through several other people who were close to her. I was shocked when she informed me of her illness and imminent demise, I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Since then I’ve been getting plenty of practice. I’m very glad to hear that she had close friends like you at her side as she declined.
This should have been two posts, Roger. You gotta get on the ball here.
Everyone is expected to have a phone if you want to get a job or attend school. You’re even supposed to have a phone if you apply for Welfare.
Back in the day the phone was hidden at home and no one ever complained. Today the phone is in everybody’s pocket, and now the self-righteous nitwits complain. I guess the solution is either hide your phone or impoverish the nitwits and see how they like it.
I miss Donna and wish she could see me now and all of my accomplishments. Truly the mother I never had. Miss you Donna. I wish I had a picture just to see her face again.