The phone is ringing at home, and the caller ID says it’s from Gertrude Green in the 704 area code. That’s interesting in that my mother died over two years ago. As it turns out, it was my sister, Marcia, calling on her cellphone. She didn’t understand why our mother’s name popped up, as the phone has always been in Marcia’s name, but I was not the first person to tell her of this phenomenon. It was kind of weird/disconcerting.
This led to a broader discussion – at my dentist’s office, of all places – about how long you keep a deceased person’s voice as the voice on an outgoing answering machine message. Some will find it comforting, while others will find it creepy. I tend to be in the latter category, although I know most of us in mourning can’t/won’t rush to change it.
Whereas I have some old cassette tapes (remember cassette tapes?) with my father’s voice – he died in 2000. Those I find oddly comforting. AND I can play them for my daughter, born in 2004, who never knew her paternal grandfather.
What sayest thou?
I get depressed enough when Facebook suggests I send game requests to or “poke” friends who have died.
Saving audio or video recordings is a great idea. Before they came along, new generations would have no idea what their ancestors sounded like or how they moved. This change is a great thing, I think. But Facebook is another matter entirely. I also get suggestions from Facebook about dead friends, or I’m told a dead person “Likes” something, and that’s just creepy. There’s also the FB page of someone I didn’t really know that’s still going, and the person’s grown children use it as a sort of ongoing memorial.
Grief is an intensely personal thing, which means one’s own expressions of grief can make others, especially on the periphery, feel very uncomfortable. I think that’s when clinging onto reminders of a dead person starts to cross the line. But keeping audio and video recordings so future generations can know something of what their ancestor was like is fantastic.
My mom has recorded some stories in books so her grands and great grands will remember her!
I think the voice messages are a little creepy, too, but I don’t know how long they should be left. To wipe them off too early suggests a sort of coldness.
Same with FB pages. Creepy, but to deal with it too soon is also cold and shows a lack of respect.
Then again, we don’t show mourning for long periods at all anymore.
I think this is a question for Emily Post.