Disinclined to get a smart phone

Arthur, the Windy City Kiwi, writes:

Here’s another one for you: You’ve written about your lack of enthusiasm for smart phones, but do you see a time in the future when you might be persuaded to embrace them, and, related, what would it take for that to happen? For example, some people say that the ability to pay for things using their phone (rather than cash or card) would push them. That may or may not be true for you, but is there something that might be?

This is a far more complicated issue than merely smartphones. This has to do with me and technology in general.

1) I embrace technology, but technology does not always embrace me. There was a period when we would have our work computers were swapped out after so many months, and mine would always be a couple of months earlier than others. One of our techies theorized that I had some sort of anti-electronics aura, seriously.

I have had two Android devices, and they both have died, much earlier than they should have. I ENJOYED having them, but I was happy I had not become dependent upon them.

2) I have no instinctive understanding of technology. It took me days to figure out the way to start my cellphone was to press the red-colored END button; that made no sense to me. I can take pictures on my phone, but I’ve yet to figure out how to RETRIEVE them. I’ve read the manual, but it didn’t help. After a while, it just wasn’t that important to me.

I participated in the Pebble smartwatch Kickstarter. STILL haven’t figured out how it works. Yes, there’s a website that offers tech support, but anything that REQUIRES tech support just to find out how to turn it on quite literally gives me a headache from exhaustion. That was neither the first or last bit of technology I’ve purchased that I couldn’t suss out how to use.

3) I don’t want to become dependent on technology that I will lose, or will break, or otherwise not be able to use. I see people who are lost without their devices, and I don’t want to be one of those people. And I’ve misplaced my cellphone for days on end. Moreover, I’m convinced this true: Increased smartphone use equals lower GPA among college students; for some people, at least, it seems to take away their ability to think.

4) Similarly, I don’t want to be one of those people whose attention is buried in the device, oblivious to the surroundings. I see that a LOT on the bus each day.

5) I don’t always trust technology. This is actually more true of GPS that has taken me to wrong exits or around in circles, but smartphones have similar features.

6) I am very wary of geolocation. I don’t want to be omnipresent in the world, or hacked, or sent ads telling me what stores are nearby that I “want” to go to. Frankly, being able to pay for something on a smartphone is a disincentive. This is also why I hate the fact that The Wife has E-Z Pass on the car; the privacy concerns, for me, trumps the convenience of getting through the toll booths faster.

7) I find it very expensive. It’s not the phone, but all of the various deals for service. I see this ad about a “good price” for a family plan and it’s $175 a month for four people; gave me sticker shock. Moreover, they all seem to be tied to plans I loathe being trapped into.

The cellphones that the Wife and I have cost $14 per month, plus tax, total. It allows me to text, though in fact, I HATE to text, that’s more tied to not wanting to be always available. That’s is why I have an answering machine and caller ID at home.

So it would take cheap, idiot-proof, privacy-providing technology for me to get a smartphone. Or someone else paying for the monthly service.

It wouldn’t hurt if someone actually showed me how to do things. I went to the Apple store with my father-in-law a couple of years ago to investigate the possibilities, and these “helpers” spoke in a different language, assuming I understood terminology that I found incomprehensible. It probably had to do with 3G and 4G, or some such, but my eyes glazed over.

Arthur, you have a spouse who seems to be tech-savvy; I do not. Maybe the Daughter will figure out someone else’s smartphone to a degree that she can explain it to me in terms I can understand, and that might crack the door open.

Still, I don’t need one, I don’t feel deprived without it. Now if you want to SEND me one, my address is…

Now, one might say, “But Roger, if you’re so bad at technology, how have you blogged for ten years?”

Trial and error. Blogger had a product, I think it was called Picasa, to use to put photos in the blog; I NEVER got it to work. But I stumbled upon another way. (Blogger has made it much easier since then, of course.)

I remember one of the first times I used WordPress, for my Times Union blog seven years ago, there was a picture of either former New York governor Eliot Spitzer or the cartoon character Dudley Do-Right – they look alike, I theorized – that was three times the size of the page, and I didn’t know how to fix it. Now, I’ve looked at enough simple HTML code to correct the problem, using math. Basic MATH I understand.

Because I’m a librarian, I’ve occasionally been thrown into the deep end of technology. Usually, I drown, but now and then I swim, especially compared with someone actually computerphobic. I’ve actually helped people at the public library with their user problems, which are minor to my mind, but massive in theirs. It’s all a matter of degree.

Once I’m SHOWN many technologies, as opposed to being told or fumbling through the manual, I’m perfectly happy to use them.

I’ve learned how to fake it reasonably well. I know how to reboot, whether it be my computer or my home Internet/cable system; turning things off and on works remarkably effectively 80% of the time. But only if I can find the OFF button. Have you noticed the OFF buttons on computer hardware are never in the same place? That’s not user incompetence, it’s DESIGN error.
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I DO need, however, the Selfie Shoe.