April 2020 - Page 5 of 6 - Ramblin' with Roger

The theology of physical distancing

a false witness who pours out lies

Someone wondered what I thought of those churches that violate physical distancing by gathering. The folks tick me off. Not only do they put the congregants at risk, they put the greater community in peril as well.

The Pentecostal preacher in Louisiana, Tony Spell, said, “The Bible teaches us to be absent from our bodies as to be present with the Lord.” “Like any zealot or like any pure religious person, death looks to them like a welcome friend. True Christians do not mind dying. They fear living in fear.”

Conversely, the rejection of social distancing is far from mainstream among religious leaders. “‘That’s dumb, unbiblical and it doesn’t make sense,’ Rick Warren, pastor of the Saddleback Church in California, said. Warren and his wife, Kay, started the Saddleback Church about 40 years ago, and it now has 30,000 Sunday congregants around the world. They have moved their ministry online.”

Yup, I’m agreeing with Rick Warren.

“‘God gave you a brain,’ Warren said. ‘And much of what God wants to do with your life, he’s not going to write in the sky. He gave you a brain, and he expects you to use the intelligence that you were given.” These other people obviously never heard the famous God Will Save Me story, which I’ve known for a half-century.

Quoting Scripture

The fine artist Mr. Brunelle cited Leviticus 14:43-45 Modern English Version (MEV) on his Facebook page:
If the disease comes again and breaks out in the house after he has taken away the stones and after he has scraped the house and after it is plastered, then the priest shall come and examine and see if the disease has spread in the house. If the disease has spread in the house, it is a persistent leprosy in the house; it is unclean. He shall break down the house, the stones and the timber, and all the plaster of the house, and he shall carry them out of the city into an unclean place.

I’m rather fond of Proverbs 6:16-19 (NIV), directed not just for those addled pastors but for certain nimrods as well:
There are six things the Lord hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

The Gospel lesson

When Jesus was in the wilderness, starving and parched, this from Matthew 4:5-7 (NIV)
Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

It’s my opinion that Tony Spell and pastors of his ilk are trying to put God to the test. It is an arrogant thelogy that, as Rick Warren said, is unbiblical and makes no sense.

New routine: they’re home at work

You are what you are, and you ain’t what you ain’t – Dear Abby, John Prine

I’m told I can’t use cat pictures on my blog. The only exception is if it’s MY cat. Here’s Stormy, seeking sustenance.

My household has established a new routine on most weekdays. There are variations but often it looks like this: The alarm goes off at 6 a.m. THE ALARM GOES OFF – ugh. At least it’s a half-hour later than it USED to go off when my wife traveled to work.

While my wife takes a shower, I check my email. I’m looking for articles to send to Jeff for his regular newsletter about COVID-19.

My wife watches CBS This Morning; increasingly, I don’t. I can’t do all COVID, all the time. But I do catch a bit when feeding the cats around 7:30 because they think it’s their right to be fed. My wife and I eat breakfast.

She goes to work in the guest bedroom. Her workload as a teacher of English as a New Language is so much greater than it was when she could actually meet with students in person. One day, she had a noon teleconference, then a 40-minute phone conversation with a parent of a student, 20 minutes to wolf down lunch, then a 2 pm teleconference. Another day, she spent about 100 minutes on the phone with two brothers.

I start writing a blog post but take a break to wake my daughter, who almost certainly has stayed up too late. Time for her to go to school too, which turns out to be on the borrowed laptop in her bedroom. Classes at 9 and 10:30, an hour for lunch, classes at 12:30 and 2. Sometimes I help her with her homework in the evening.

Old school

Time to call two people on the telephone. This has been an amazingly great exercise. Sometimes, I call people I haven’t seen in a few months, while others I haven’t been in contact with for years. (Hi, Janet!) They average about 45 minutes; some last 10 minutes, but I spoke with Bill, a grade-school friend, for about two hours. I never leave a message on answering machines because I don’t want to obligate people to have to call me back. But some see my phone ID and check back anyway.

I’ve discovered surprising simpatico with a guy whose wife also asks followup questions when he’s only reading her a news headline. A cousin of my father told me a family secret last week she had assumed I already knew. My pastors are now mailing the sermons to one of my fellow church members without a computer.

Some point, I’ll take a walk or ride my bike, take a shower, eat lunch, empty and reload the dishwasher plus washing some pots and pans, read the paper, finish the blog post, and watch the previous day’s JEOPARDY! After dinner is the daily Google hangout call of my wife’s family, ostensibly 15 minutes, but generally close to an hour. I’ll miss it because I’ll be attending church remotely on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.

Here now the news

Watch the evening news, which is recorded, so I can zap past all those pharma medicine ads. I either help my wife and daughter, or at least stay out of their way. I’m happy to be retired.

I should note that working on the COVID newsletter has been great. I don’t have to obsess about the issue. Oh, I still think he’s doing a bad job. I was furious that Wisconsin voters had to go out and vote in the midst of a pandemic, risking the health of themselves and others.

And I was strangely mortified that an SBA program to help small business was so poorly introduced. A CBS story showed personal information showing up on the SCREENS of the next applicant in the queue. The SBDC, where I worked for nearly 27 years, is an SBA program.

And I’m terribly sad about the death of John Prine, who was not only one of America’s greatest songwriters but apparently a really nice guy. He beat cancer TWICE only to succumb to complications from COVID-19.

Hello In There – Bette Midler
Dear Abby – John Prine
Angel From Montgomery – Bonnie Raitt& John Prine

50 Things You’ve Never Been Asked….

WAY too labor-intensive

Roger.cartoon ADD did this quiz, and I was feeling lazy. It says 50 Things You’ve Never Been Asked, but I HAVE been asked a few of these.

What is the color of your hair brush? Where IS my hairbrush? I THINK it’s brown. Black? I don’t use it much.

Name a food you would never ever eat: Anything still moving.

Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Riding my bicycle.

What is your favorite candy bar? Mounds.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? Often. Mostly minor league baseball.

What is the last thing you said out loud? Oh, snap, which Catbird asked me about.

What is your favorite ice cream? Strawberry.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Water, mostly because I went bicycling then developed a cramp in my foot.

Do you like your wallet? It’s OK. It’s a wallet!

What was the last thing you ate? A grilled turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I seldom buy new clothes.

The last sporting event you watched? Quite possibly the Super Bowl.

What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Real butter and salt.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My daughter.

Oh, the torture

Ever go camping? Often as a child. I hated it.

Do you take vitamins? D.

Do you go to church every Sunday? Most of the time, although it’s been virtual since March 22.

Do you have a tan? I burn, I don’t tan. And I worry about skin cancer because of the vitiligo.

Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Generally.

Do you drink your soda with a straw? Yes, though I have some organic straws I got via a Kickstarter.

What color socks do you usually wear? Usually some oddball design that my wife bought for me.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Never.

What terrifies you? Being lost in a perilous place. It’s a recurring dream theme.

Look to your left, what do you see? A painting of a dirt road bridge leading to some houses.

What chores do you hate? Cleaning the toilet. And I used to do it as part of a job I once had.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? A didgeridoo.

What’s your favorite soda? Diet Cherry Pepsi, which I’m trying to avoid.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I philosophically hate the drive through.

What is your favorite number? 37.

Who’s the last person you talked to? My daughter.

Favorite cut of beef? Ribeye.

Last song you listened to? Solitary Man by Neil Diamond.

Last book you read? Six and Eleven by Ed Dague.

Favorite day of the week? In Coronaworld, they’re very much the same.

Z, Y, X, et al.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? I could, but it would be contrary to my sincerely held beliefs.

How do you like your coffee? As an ingredient in Kahlua.

Favorite pair of shoes? My sneakers.

Time you normally go to bed? 10:30 or 11 p.m.

Time you normally get up? you mean the second time? About 7 a.m.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunset? Sunrise.

How many blankets on your bed? One.

Describe your kitchen plates? They were wedding presents.

Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? Rye and ginger ale.

Do you play cards? Not as often as I would like.

What color is your car? White.

Can you change a tire? I’ve helped to do it, but it was WAY too labor-intensive.

Your favorite state? New York.

Favorite job you’ve ever had? Working at a comic book store.

How did you get your biggest scar? I slid while riding a bicycle when I was 16.

PostSecret: teach something

Ask Here are some more of those PostSecret questions I stole.

If there was a biography of you, how would you want to be described?

As improbable and episodic.

What choice are you thankful that you did not make?

This is difficult, actually, because what usually comes to mind I are decisions I made that I’ve regretted. I suppose not saying something hurtful to people when they had hurt me first.

What is the best advice you remember from your father?

He bought me a wallet in Savannah, which was way better than having loose bills in my pocket.

Is there anything you wish you had said to someone but didn’t have the chance?

My sisters and I have talked about this at length. We wished, at some level, that we had asked our father about his growing up. But we didn’t want to embarrass him or cause him pain, so we never did. The weird thing is that we knew some details indirectly, from his wife and even his mother-in-law.

Can you teach me something?

Probably. At some level, the intention of this blog is to teach something. There are only 14 ways a calendar is presently devised. Estelle Axton belongs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Here’s one thing at least three of my interns did not know. Use Ctrl-F to Find specific text in a document. I was shocked that they were not aware of that.

What is something you would like me to ask you?

Almost anything. I’ll let you know when you’ve overstepped.

What do you wish you would have spent less time worrying about?

Money, and the lack thereof.

What is something you deliberately did not tell me as a child and why?

Maybe I still haven’t…

What is the best part of your day? What makes you feel most alive?

Sometimes it’s when I wake up in the middle of the night, and the house is asleep except for the male cat. I check my email, and he puts his front paws on my left leg. He wants me to scratch him under his chin. Then he goes away, usually.

Who is Robert Redford? and other gaps

Pele

orson bean Writer Ken Levine recently complained on his blog in a post, Who is Robert Redford?

As you know I’m a devotee of JEOPARDY. But what amazes me more is not what these contestants know but what they don’t know. They can rattle off Egyptian mythological figures or obscure rivers in Tunisia or fourteen-letter words, but there are interesting black holes.

I base this not on wrong answers. I base this on no one ringing in. So clearly none of the three contestants were even willing to take a guess.

Now bear in mind these contestants tend to be from their mid-20’s to 40’s (although there are some exceptions). And they’re all remarkably bright. They’re not kids. They’ve seemingly been around.

But…

Then he rattled off questions people missed in the past several months. All of them I got right when I was watching. BUT I’m in my sixties. Levine’s in his sixties. And what fame is, and who is famous, changes over time.

The other factor here involves photos. They look big on your television screen. But when I was a one-day champ in 1998, I got a visual clue. Yet the monitor seemed damn small and far away.

“Born Dallas Burroughs in 1928, he’s the actor seen here.” The category was Beans, so I took an educated guess: “Who is Orson Bean?” That was correct. If he had had darker hair, as he did in his game show days, I suspect it might have been easier for me. (He’s the guy pictured, BTW.)

Where ARE the Black Hills?

Some local folks who were on JEOPARDY! were complaining about the game broadcast on March 13. I hadn’t watched it at the time. When I did, I noted, especially in the first round, questions that were Triple Stumpers, questions that no one got correctly, that I got right away.

ATHLETIC ACHIEVEMENTS

$200 From 1978 to 1990 this woman won 9 Wimbledon singles titles, giving her the most ever among both men & women
$400 Known as O Rei, Portuguese for “the king”, this man born in 1940 has the most men’s World Cup championships, with 3
$800 In 1939 this Yankee’s No. 4 was retired, the first number ever retired in major league baseball.

STATE THE PROBLEM

$200 The 1972 Black Hills flood claims more than 200 lives
$400 An 1893 hurricane devastates the island of Cheniere Caminada

FIRST NAMES OF FAMOUS PAIRS

$800 Burns & Allen

SMITHSONIAN AIR & SPACE MUSEUM
(Sarah presents from the Smithsonian National Air & Space Museum, Steve F. Udvar-Hazy Center in Chantilly, Virginia.) There was room for two men–Frank Borman and James Lovell in the capsule used for their 2-week-long 1965 orbital mission in this program

Answers, please

The first was Martina Navratilova. They did make guesses: Billie Jean King, Steffi Graf, and Chris Evert.
No one guessed the Brazilian Pele.
The Pride of the Yankees, Lou Gehrig was unknown to them.

Nobody them knew the Black Hills were in South Dakota, although there were guesses of Montana and North Dakota.
The island I actually didn’t know, but the French name would have let me guess Louisiana.

Now, this WAS a generational question: they didn’t know George and Gracie.

And I reckon to guess Apollo, as opposed to the correct answer, Gemini, was a generational question too, although I thought the TWO-man crew was a giveaway.

On the other hand, I fail at most 21st-century pop culture references unless it’s so ubiquitous – The Sopranos, Orange Is the New Black, Game of Thrones, Mad Men – that I do fairly well with these. That despite the fact that I’ve never seen a single episode of any of those programs. If you watch the program enough, certain clues tend to show up regularly, such as the painting Blue Boy by Gainsborough.