May 2021 - Page 2 of 7 - Ramblin' with Roger

Debra Johnson, nee Walker, nee Miller

relationships

Debra Johnson, fourth from left in the above picture, was my cousin. The photo is about 50 years old. It was taken, almost certainly, at Trinity A.M.E. Zion Church in Binghamton, NY, my church growing up. The young women appear to be in the choir loft.

Debbie was adopted by my great uncle – my paternal grandmother’s brother – Earl and his wife, Jessie. The adoption was no secret. They had already largely raised their biological family, so they were “older” parents to her. But from everything I knew, good ones.

I knew Debbie primarily from church, specifically from singing in church choirs. One group was the MAZET singers, directed by my father, which also featured my sister Leslie (left), Nita (2nd left), and Lauren H. (right). Lauren B. (in the middle) came to church slightly later.

Leslie was closer to Debbie than I was. I mean, guys of a certain age didn’t hang out with “girls,” even girl cousins. But neither of us kept in touch after I left town. I hadn’t seen her since the mid-1980s, possibly earlier. We were Facebook friends, that “the least you can do” relationship tentacle.

Here

One of many things I didn’t know about Debra Johnson is that she continued to be in touch with one or both birth parents, surname Miller, plus her over a dozen siblings. More strange for me is that some of them live in Albany, which is where I live!

She died recently in the Binghamton area, I found out from her sister, my cousin Ruth, who also provided the photo. The first iteration of the narrative was that Debra fell down some steps.

There’s a lot of love showing on her Facebook page from some brokenhearted folks. It’s very touching, even if it’s from people most of whom I do not know.

Lydster: Missed the laundromat

The Roches

My daughter had the opportunity to use the laundromat, but alas! She missed it.

In late April, our clothes dryer died. This was not a particularly surprising occurrence, given the clunking racket it had been making for several months. Still, it was annoying, particularly for my daughter. She was straightening her room. So she had… a few loads to do. It was also a bother for me, as a jagged piece of metal on the machine – where did THAT come from? – punctured my thumb. Grawlix.

This took place on a Saturday, and my wife was visiting her mother out of town. We couldn’t even order a machine until she returned home on Monday. And the new machine would not be delivered until eight days after that.

My wife washed clothes that week and took them to the laundromat. Did my daughter want to do the same? NO! The idea of schlepping wet clothes to someplace else was weird to her.

Too bad. There is an art to cleaning one’s clothes in the public arena. Getting the quarters. Finding the empty machines. It’s a ritual of being on one’s own.

My sisters reminded me that the washer, and probably the dryer were in our kitchen. I have only vague recollections of this.

“Her cycle is through”

But I have vivid memories of gathering the dirty clothes and taking them to the various laundry establishments. Each has its own idiosyncrasies in terms of cost, size, lighting, cleanliness, and availability of machines.

Especially the latter. When you need a washer, the machines are all full, but the wash is done, how long do you wait until you pull out someone else’s stuff, place it in one of those baskets or on a counter, and put your own clothes in?

These are the negotiations of life that can be very useful in other venues. I would have introduced my daughter to the song The Death of Suzzy Roche by the sister singing group the Roches, who I saw perform back in the 1980s.

A rule to live by: “Everybody in the laundromat is equal.” It’ll be something my daughter will probably learn eventually.

Sunday Stealing: COVID edition

Yo-yo

Back in 2008-2011, I used to purloin quizzes for this blog from something called Sunday Stealing. I recently discovered that the site still exists.

And while there were some repetitive questions in the day, I obviously never did any COVID-related ones. Until now. There were actually three quizzes in 2020. While some are going to be dated, I thought I’d answer some of them. The first few are from March 2020.

2. How are you feeling about the Coronavirus?
As though God has a warped sense of humor.

5. Have you changed any of your personal habits due to the pandemic?
Until recently, I saw almost no one.

7. Do you think our politicians are doing enough to curb the crisis?
While I think the current ones are trying, the mixed results of the recent mask mandate rules are oddly unsatisfying. I’m good at being outdoors without a mask, but I’m not feeling comfortable in stores, even if the stores don’t require them.

8. Have you stockpiled anything because of the crisis?
No, and other people’s hoarding made me rather… grumpy.

13. Have any of your plans been upset by the outbreak?
Most of them.

16. Has the Coronavirus upset your mental health in any way?
Undoubtedly, in almost every way. I’m still not singing in the choir, e.g.

April 2020

1 – What is something you are doing due to the pandemic that you normally don’t do? After the pandemic will you continue to do this?
Possibly ZOOM with my sisters. They’re in NC and CA.

3- What is one of the first things you will do when the pandemic is over?
Even before it was all over, I went out to eat on April 6, after my second shot, with my friends Carol, Karen, Bill, and Michael. The former three I’ve known since kindergarten. And in a restaurant rather than takeout. I mean it was technically outdoors, but it had an overhang, so it FELT like indoors.

December 2020

1. Day 1 of serious isolation behavior.
Not going to church was huge.

2. First trip you had to cancel.
I was about to meet my friend, the aforementioned Carol (not to be confused with my spouse) in Binghamton in late March 2020. She was going to visit her mom. I was going to do research on my grandmother Agatha. That blew up. I’m planning to try again in September 2021.

3. Other trips canceled.
Uthaclena and I were going to see a concert with members of Jefferson Airplane and other related groups.

4. Last trip out of town before isolation.
Is Schenectady out of town? Then going to Proctors, but then staying overnight in January 2020.

5. Farthest from home since isolation.
Oneonta, my MIL’s house, about 70 miles.

6. Last Meal sitting in a restaurant before Isolation.
Almost certainly on Valentine’s Day, Sam’s Italian Restaurant?

7. How many books have you read?
Not many. A couple of graphic novels, We Return Fighting. Lots of magazines that had been accumulating.

8. First event you didn’t attend due to virus.
See above.

9. Date and event of last over 200-person event.
See next.

10. Last live music event. Cheap Trick, February 7. Unless you count the kids doing Once on this Island on March 8.

11. Things you are eating more of since isolation.
Wheat Thins.

12. Things you are eating less of since isolation.
Nothing.

13. What restaurants have you gotten take-out meals from?
Subway, all of the restaurants on the last block of Madison Ave, mostly pizza, Indian food, and bar food. Also Sam’s Italian, Caffe Italia.

Also

14. Have you found yourself bored in isolation?
Not bored. Never bored. But frustrated and depressed.

15. Have you gained or lost weight?
Yes. Yo-yo.

16. Do you drink alcohol?
Occasionally.

17. If so, more or less in isolation?
Although the IDEA of getting a little (or a lot) drunk was appealing in theory, it just didn’t happen. Some breakers in the psyche are still working.

18. What entertainments have you explored?
Movies online. Inferior to in-person, but that was the option at the time.

19. Gotten into anything new?
Not really.

20. Have you done crosswords? Board games? Jigsaw puzzles?
No, yes, no. But this was true pre-COVID.

21. Have you cleaned out some cabinet, drawer, closet, etc. thoroughly?
A few.

22. Are you spending about the same amount of money?
Generally less.

23. Done Zoom, Facetime, etc. meetups?
WAY too often.

24. Had a social occasion with a small group of people you consider safe?
There were a couple of people on my front porch last fall, distanced and usually masked.

25. Did you vote? In-Person? On Election Day?
Always. Yes. No, early.

Movie review: Quo Vadis, Aida?

Bosnian war

Quo Vadis, Aida? is a film nominated as the best in the International Feature Film category. It was the entry from Bosnia and Herzegovina. Jasmila Zbanic is the writer, director, and co-producer. The film is mostly in Serbo-Croatian and is subtitled.

The movie is based on true events in July 1995. We see the commander of the local United Nations brigade in Bosnia calling the chain of command. Where are the airstrikes to stem the invasion by the Serbian army? It becomes clear to all involved, including the local translator, Aida (Jasna Đuričić), that no air support is forthcoming.

The Serbian army takes over Srebrenica. Thousands of citizens are looking for shelter in the UN camp. Its capacity is maybe 4000, leaving a sea of 20,000 outside of its gates.

Negotiations take place among the Serbian army leaders, the UN peacekeepers (mostly Dutch), and a handful of local representatives. But the talks are, as it turns out, largely for show. Then we see the UN bureaucracy deal with the invading force, or try, violating its own rules.

Tense

Quo Vadis, the title of a 1951 film, means Where are you marching? And that is most applicable of Quo Vadis, Aida? Every one of the 54 reviews in Rotten Tomatoes was positive, as well as 88% of the general audience. It is a taut thriller, with Aida feeling frustrated that, even as an “insider,” she’s very limited in terms of what she can accomplish.

Anna Swanson of the Globe and Mail writes: “Refreshingly, this is a war drama that doesn’t hinge on indulgent or shameless violence. Instead, it focuses on the heart-wrenching devastation of more offhand cruelties.”

This is a few days during a war that took place in my lifetime that I know too little about. The fine acting, especially by Jasna Đuričić, and the excellent direction and editing make this an important, albeit sad, movie. I viewed this on Hulu.

Planning the funeral of Dick Powell

The late Dick Powell, me, the late Les Green

His family held the funeral for my father-in-law, Dick Powell on May 22, 2021. It was precisely 13 months after he died. Ah, death in the time of COVID, even non-COVID-related death.

The planning meetings, of course, were on ZOOM among my MIL, one of her sons and his family, my wife, my MIL’s pastor, and me. Dick had jotted down notes in his own hand from months before he got sick. His specific plans involved his four grandkids singing a specific song together, but that was requested pre-pandemic. The choir recorded the song, remotely, and other hymns as well.

Who’s going to read the Scriptures? I volunteered for Ecclesiates 3:1-8. Blame Pete Seeger, or maybe Roger McGuinn. Others selected Psalm 23 and 1 Corinthians 13.

Who’ll speak? Someone from his church, a few people from the extended family, and a few from the immediate family. My wife would certainly cite her favorite scripture, Micah 6:8, which is a motto of Dick’s church, “to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”

At the end of the service, there was a committal to the columbarium, a word I’m certain I’ve never written before in my life.

The immediate family mentioned, plus my daughter was at the church in person with the pastor, the organist at a distance, and one techie, likewise remote, and all fully vaccinated. Everyone else – the church members, the rest of the friends and family – was invited to participate via ZOOM.

The obit

Meanwhile, one family member had worked on the obituary for Dick Powell. If you think writing it a year after someone’s death would be easier, you might be thinking incorrectly. Noting all of his activities and accomplishments had the effect of dredging up some of the feelings of loss, but also of pride.

There are many schools of thought about what’s appropriate content in an obit. Having read thousands – I love a good one – I’m rather non-prescriptive about them. Except that I do like the listing of the familial connections, which will be useful for future generations of genealogists.

In general, waiting to hold the funeral and write the obit a year later than normal created a case of dolore interrumpitur, grief interrupted. And that was undoubtedly enhanced by a certain family estrangement; I shan’t dwell upon that here.

Arthur wrote regarding the death of his husband a year and a half ago. It is pretty much what I realized some months after my father’s death over 20 years ago. “The thing about profound grief is that it’s not linear, and it has no timeline. How many times have I said that now?” Not linear; I’ve said that a LOT.

Dick Powell would have been 85 today.