And now, a general exploration of What 2024 Meant To Me:
I often wonder why I do what I do. This summer, I was struck by something that John Green, the vlogger (no relation), had posted: that he questioned whether his actions were worthwhile. I thought that was odd: he was helping fight infant and maternal mortality in Africa, fighting disease, etc., so I couldn’t understand why he would question his impact.
But it triggered an evaluation of how I want to use my time. I retired five years ago and assumed that after a half-decade, I would have reached certain mileposts, goals, or whatever. This has simply not happened.
I decided to sign up to have a therapist. It was online, one of those Zoomy-like things, and it simply didn’t take. It’s not the first time I’ve gotten therapy or the first time it hasn’t worked out the way I’d hoped. However, perhaps by pursuing the process, I reached some conclusions anyway.
Just say no
One of them was not to work on a book project. It was a text that the adult child of a very famous person had written, and it was referred to me. I realized that working on it was making me frickin’ nuts, but I felt obliged to work on it because I had said I would until I realized it was not worth my sanity. The author never understood this. In fact, about a week later, he texted me and said, “How much money would it take for you to finish it?” The answer to the question was that there was no amount of money in the world that would have had me continue to work on this project. Not only did it not bring me joy, but it brought me despair.
I also quit participating on a board I had a great deal of emotional attachment to. This was very difficult, but for reasons that are way more complicated and boring to recite here, it became a necessity as well. I took some mild solace in that three or four others departed the board after I left. I feel bad that the board is in such disarray, but I can’t make that my issue, he said.
Genealogy
One of my to-do lists has been my genealogy, which has gone virtually nowhere in 2024. My sister Leslie has talked to the family on both sides of the tree, our third cousin on my mother’s side, and my father’s first cousin so that the needle might move in 2025.
Since someone asked, the blog still serves a function for me. It is, among other things, a history of events that I frankly can’t remember when they happened. It’s a public diary, and I suppose I could write a private one, but I would never bother to.
As I’ve said, I failed miserably when I planned to write about my daughter’s early days. The public diary has forced me to think about things in a way I need to process the world.
Starting the quiz
Here’s an annual Year’s End Quiz, which I continue to purloin from Kelly.
Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Every year, I keep saying that I don’t make resolutions, but I think that’s probably incorrect. I think I made resolutions about doing genealogy, which, as I’ve noted, I failed to fulfill. I offered resolutions about straightening up some work areas that are largely undone and reading more books, which is only marginally better than the year before.
As for 2025, I am going to make the same resolutions. But I’m also going to work on a project, a specific, measurable project, and I ain’t gonna tell you what it is here until I get to a certain point in the process. It might be July or maybe even late August, but I will mention it. And I will work on it because… oh, if you knew what it was, you would know why, but you don’t, so there it is.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don’t believe so
Did anyone close to you die?
Nancy, Al, and Barry. Oh, and Midnight.
What countries did you visit?
None in 2024. I’m toying with going someplace in 2025, and I’ll probably return to the States, won’t I?
Future
What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024?
Inner peace? Democracy?
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don’t know; sometimes, I think just showing up is an achievement. I’d say writing on this blog daily, but I did that last year and the year before…
What was your biggest failure?
I could not recognize earlier how much the aforementioned book editing and the committee work were making me – how did I put it? -frickin’ nuts.
What was the best thing you bought?
Nothing substantial comes to mind. Some music. Bellflower. Oh wait, I know what it is. I bought a new iPhone case, a certain green shade. According to Charli XCX, the color is brat, whatever that means. More importantly, my phone case is much easier to distinguish than a black or gray one, making it simpler to find when I inevitably misplace it in my house.
This is TOO MUCH. I’ll finish it next year, which is to say, tomorrow.