meme Archives - Page 16 of 28 - Ramblin' with Roger

Skills

I received my copy of the Hembeck book – don’t say “What Hembeck book? – THE Hembeck book! and devoured it in one sitting.
OK, I jest. In fact, the book comes with a warning NOT to try to read it all at once. Rather, I’ve been concentrating on reading the chapter intros, including the teaser by Fred’s uncle, Stan Lee; I love how he calls Fred Hemby. THEN, I’ll read the actual stories, probably skipping over the FantaCo stuff for now, but coming back to eventually, since I was all very fond of it. I’m named in the acknowledgments; thanks, effendi! there was one page I ran into, though, that filled me with horror – a picture of the X-Men! It was originally on a gold sheet – which I still have, BTW, that I had to pack with every single retail copy of Hembeck 1980, but it was wider than the book, Wotta pain.
Fred notes that the book has been reviewed favorably by Entertainment Weekly!
***
Lydia had reached her 30 minute max of videos last evening. I turned off the DVD, and the TV just happened to be on ESPN. Ken Griffey, Jr., on the first pitch I saw, became the sixth man in MLB history to hit 600 home runs. Congrats to him, and to Michael Strahan, the NY/NJ Giants’ defensive end who announced his retirement yesterday. Each will be in their respective Halls of Fame eventually.
***
Skills: I got ’em? From Jaquandor, again, who writes:
“Bill Altreuter points to this list of 75 things every man should be able to do, I guess, in order to be able to really lay claim to true manliness or something. Surprisingly, Bill doesn’t do what bloggers are supposed to do in such cases: reproduce the list, with specific comment on his ability, or lack thereof, to do the things on the list. Well, unto the breach I go!”

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. Sure, sometimes with one word: “listen.”

2. Tell if someone is lying. Most people think they can tell a liar all of the time, and that’s simply not true for most of us.

3. Take a photo. Well, not a fancy one.

4. Score a baseball game. Actually, yes. Something I do with my father-in-law at least a couple times a year,

5. Name a book that matters. Feh. Silent Spring by Rachel Carson. But I don’t much like the question.

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. Probably do with the Beatles. Also, Paul Simon, but he’s not a group.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Actually I cook meat anywhere EXCEPT on a grill. I don’t own a grill.

8. Not monopolize the conversation. Quite conscious of this, especially with women; men are more prone to it, in my observation.

9. Write a letter. Used to do it all the time.

10. Buy a suit. I bought two last year. Hate it. Hate it.

11. Swim three different strokes. I only have one, and I don’t know what it is.

12. Show respect without being a suck-up. I believe so.

13. Throw a punch. Well, no.

14. Chop down a tree. I’ve cut a Christmas tree. But I’m reminded of a next door neighbor when I was growing up, who was cutting down a big tree in their yard. My father told them they would hit their house. They told him to shut up and mind his own business. The tree crashed into the roof of their house.

15. Calculate square footage. Sure.

16. Tie a bow tie. No. For the half dozen times I have worn one, learning how to do it was not worth it. That’s why God created clip-ons.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. Never had need.

18. Speak a foreign language. Everybody should be able to do this. I can’t, except for an extremely basic comprehension of French left over from my high school days.

19. Approach a woman out of his league. This “league” thing; eh.

20. Sew a button. I’ve done it. It takes me forever, and I do it badly.

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. OK.

22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it. OK, but oy. Among other things, it assumes heterosexuality.

23. Be loyal. Depends.

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Sure.

25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. I can drive it, but I’m always thinking about it, or rather, my fingers.

26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. I haven’t fished since I was a child.

27. Play gin with an old guy. I used to play with my grandfather when I was in high school. The same guy who took me fishing.

28. Play go fish with a kid. I have.

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. ‘Fraid not.

30. Feign interest. I used to be better at it.

31. Make a bed. I can do this. I never actually do this, but I can, which I guess is the important thing. Bed-making has never struck me as being a terribly useful or important thing.

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. Sure – it’s yummy.

33. Hit a jump shot in pool. I did it once; it was an accident.

34. Dress a wound. I’ve done it.

35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once). I’ve done them all successfully, but so long ago that I’m not sure I could replicate.

36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Never played.

37. Shuffle a deck of cards. Actually quite good at it.

38. Tell a joke. No, I suck at it. I can say funny things, but I can’t even REMEMBER jokes.

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. I’ll just check here; even before looking at that, I knew you always split 8s, but I didn’t know why.

40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. I have.

41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. I have.

42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. I have, but not very often.

43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Well, a light bulb.

44. Ask for help. Absolutely.

45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist. Hasn’t come up.

46. Tell a woman’s dress size. If women’s dress sizes were standardized, maybe this would be useful.

47. Recite one poem from memory. “There once was a girl from Cape Cod…”

48. Remove a stain. I have.

49. Say no. Sometimes, more now that before.

50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Yes.

51. Build a campfire. Another skill everybody should have, probably.

52. Step into a job no one wants to do. Happens a lot.

53. Sometimes, kick some ass. Define.

54. Break up a fight. Have done this.

55. Point to the north at any time. Sometimes, not always.

56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. Have done.

57. Explain what a light-year is. I can do this.

58. Avoid boredom. I’m almost never bored, left to my own devices.

59. Write a thank-you note. I can, but don’t do enough.

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. There must be one; it’s not coming to me.

61. Cook bacon. Yes.

62. Hold a baby. Yes, but not until Carol was pregnant.

63. Deliver a eulogy. Yes.

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Sure.

65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. I used to; I have by accident; I suck at basketball.

68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Have done it.

69. Tie a knot. Have.

70. Shake hands. It IS skill. Yes.

71. Iron a shirt. Can. Don’t like to.

72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. Yup.

73. Caress a woman’s neck. Oh, yes. And speak the language of love! (Not French, either.)

74. Know some birds – But only ornithologically.

75. Negotiate a better price. I hate haggling. I’ve done it, but was more of “I just won’t pay that much” and the dealer started the offering me a deal.

ROG

100 Things That Bug Me

Not only do I show my lack of imagination by doing another meme, I cop it from guy I copped it from LAST week. I even stole some of his answers, in italics, as well as some of the answers of the person HE swiped the meme from; those answers are marked with **.

It’s one hundred things that bug me, annoy me, or fill me with rage, no particular order, except I didn’t move Jaquandor’s responses.

1. The notion that we need a whole new format for home video already. DVD is fine!

2. “Common courtesy” gone uncommon. “Excuse me”, “please”, “thank you”.

3. People who seem to be oblivious to how much space they take up in a limited area, such as a supermarket aisle, with the cart and the person positioned so no one can pass from either direction.

4. “Right on red” means stop, yield, go.

5. People driving with cell phones. It’s not that it’s illegal in NYS that bothers me; it’s the fact that almost everyone who has almost hit me going right on red had a cellphone in his or her hand.

6. Bicyclists who bike badly, riding on the wrong side of the street, or wildly on the sidewalk, barely missing pedestrians. Makes it harder for the responsible bicyclists.

7. The Religious Wrong, I mean Right, for too many reasons.

8. Poor signage, especially accompanied by a snippy sales clerk who doesn’t know why one can’t magically discern where the bathroom is.

9. Disgusting public bathrooms.

10. Cigarette butts. On the very first earth day, I picked up over 1000 cigarette butts from my high school lawn, and they’ve been the bane of my existence ever since.

11. People who pass me on the road while I’m riding the bike, then make a quick right turn so I can nearly plow into the passenger-side door.

12. Yielding to pedestrians at crosswalks just isn’t SOP in Albany, NY.

13. New CDs or LPs that skip.

14. When I buy a favorite food item…and then forget about it until it’s gone moldy and nasty. That bugs me.

15. Plastic “clamshell” packaging. Not only is it environmentally unfriendly, but it’s a strain to open.

16. The largest Wal-Mart in the company is in Albany County, NY.

17. Movie trailers that give away too much.

18. The current President of the United States.

19. The current Congress that, until recently, showed few cojones in dealing with the POTUS.

20. That there is almost certainly enough food and medicine in the world, but that distribution and money allow so many to die of hunger and treatable diseases.

21. The Supreme Court’s recent decision on the death penalty.

22. The number of people released on DNA evidence after sometimes decades in prison, 17 of them in Dallas County, TX alone. I should be happy they were finally exonerated, but their lives are all but ruined.

23. Drunk drivers.

24. Most canned vegetables.

25. Marshmallow Peeps. Oh, how horrible.

26. Those smokers hanging outside their buildings forcing me to run through.

27. Redesigned web sites that are more difficult to use than it used to be. NYS DOT, this means YOU.

28. John McCain. He’s no more a “straight-talker” than anyone else, he thinks that the problems the world faces right now are to maintain the same policies from the previous eight years that enabled, exacerbated, or outright created those problems, and it strikes me as odd that people whose distaste for Hillary Clinton includes the notion that she’s essentially been running for President since 2000 don’t notice that McCain’s been at it even longer.

29. Revisionist history.

30. Mel Brooks’ History of the World, Part 1. A bunch of pissing jokes.

31. Dirty movie theaters, especially sticky floors.

32. The international conspiracy to get people to buy the same thing more than once; e.g., releasing individual seasons of a TV show, THEN the box set with “extras”.

33. Global warming and our seeming inability to do anything about it.

34. People who are upset with something a person does, but they don’t tell that person. Almost inevitably, it leads to a larger confrontation later.

35. One-party rule. Does not matter which party.

36. Oh, and thanks a lot, you Homeland Security nitwits, for making it more annoying for us to go to Canada. I’m sure that tons of stuff that would have been blown up by terrorists otherwise is still standing because you’re all vigilantly giving people like me the skunk-eye when we try to come home.

37. Continuing with that theme, thanks a lot, you Homeland Security nitwits, for making flying even more of a complete pain in the ass than it already is, because there [will] be some flying in my future at some point.

38. Political pundits and talk show show hosts who seem to think if they can talk louder and/or more frequently than the other person, they are somehow factually correct. A special award to Nancy Grace, who does it even when no one else on the set.

39. People who act like a bad movie adaptation of a book or comic or TV show or something somehow destroys the original.

40. Guys who give me a weak handshake.

41. All those prescription drug ads that are driving up the cost of medicine.

42. People who are excessively proud of themselves for not owning a TV.

43. Internet scammers, credit card skimmers, identity thieves, and other people I have to take extra security measures for.

44. People who insist that having my daughter attend public school in Albany is tantamount to child abuse.

45. People who complain about someone’s harmless (at worse) or useful (at best) mission that they don’t get and complain that he should be doing something else. Example: a guy goes around correcting signs that have bad grammar and a bunch of folks say, “Get a life!” That IS his life; why does it bug you so?

46. Bad grammar.

47. People who think that the mere act of saying the words “Excuse me” confers upon them the right to just barrel through wherever they happen to be, without waiting for response or acknowledgment or for the people in front of them to just plain move.

**48. Internet “celebrities.”

49. Waiters/waitresses who just don’t listen.

50. People who ask for “honest feedback” but don’t really want it.

51. The elevators in my office building that close, then open again for no reason, then close again, making a whiny noise.

52. People who call at work who launch into what they want without even identifying themselves.

53. My armoire. I never asked for it, but we got it when the child was born. I like putting my socks and underwear in drawers, not this monstrosity that doesn’t keep them in right.

54. “Permanent press” shirts that aren’t permanent press.

55. I hate it when I’m leaving the house with my backpack, come back to the house to get something I forgot, then lock the door, leaving the backpack inside.

56. Paper cuts.

57. Mail-in rebates.

58. Loud cell phone calls on public conveyances.

59. Sunburn. Especially now.

60. People who don’t curb their dogs, the results of which show up on my lawn, my shoes…

61. Most meetings, especially the top down ones, where they say, “Does anyone have anything else to say?” Of course they don’t; the leadership’s droned on for 90 minutes, and your fellow minions just want to get out of there.

62. A whole bunch of people, including Paris Hilton and Perez Hilton, whose purpose in life is beyond me.

63. Most movie cliches that Roger Ebert has pointed out, e.g., you can just tell from the music that the buddy of the lead character is going to die.or be seriously hurt.

64. People who complain about the “war on Christmas”. Don’t worry; Christmas has won.

65. People who can’t take a compliment well.

66. Trying to find a parking space around Washington Park in Albany when an event (Tulip Festival, Corporate Challenge run) takes place there.

67. Lewis Black did a piece on this on the Emmys – the tease for another show DURING the show you are watching. Do you want me to watch the show I’m watching NOW or not.

68. People in cars that make right turns from an extreme left lane. (Atlanta, at least in 1995, was notorious for this, as is Boston every time I’ve been there.)

69. Not enough places offer free WiFi.

70. When the price of something doesn’t include some obvious things. You get a quote for getting a tire changed for $50, but then there is a disposal fee, balancing fee,
etc. and ends up costing $90.

71. Businesses that charge sales tax on items that don’t require sales tax.

72. My old phone bill. I never DID understand what the heck half those charges were, and it turned out to be far more expensive than the original quote.

73. People who boast about how stupid they are.

74. Open casket funerals.

75. Yard work. Just because I mow the lawn twice a week – and I have to, if I don’t want to borrow a power mower – doesn’t mean I like it.

76. Wet socks.

77. Insert my usual rant about people who refuse to use their local library here. Reading! For free! Why wouldn’t you do this?!

78. Corporate officers who make 200 times the average worker and the business isn’t even making money.

79. Micromanagers.

80. Haggling.

81. People who play the one-up game. They always have to be busier, more tired, and more stressed than you are.

82. People who think what they see on TV must be true and accurate, even when they are watching FOX News.

83. Bill O’Reilly.

84. Littering, especially when the garbage can is FIVE FEET AWAY.

85. Iceberg lettuce. Why do we still cultivate this stuff? It serves no useful purpose whatsoever. It’s not particularly vitamin-filled, it’s lacking in flavor, it’s just plain icky.

86. People who honk in traffic. OK for the toot to wake up the driver asleep at the wheel, but the laying on of the horn just aggravates the other drivers, making me (on the bike) VERY nervous.

87. Countries that still insist on whaling.

88. Non-instinctive Internet shopping carts. And they wonder why they have so many abandoned carts?

89. Most automated phone systems.

90. Allergy season.

91. Forwarded e-mails that direct me to send it on to three, five, ten people. Sorry, I’ve already deleted it.

92. Misplacing my glasses, mostly because I need my glasses to FIND my glasses.

93. Waking up in the morning, stumbling to the kitchen, turning on the light… – and only then discovering that I’d never put the previous night’s leftovers away. Even when food was a lot cheaper than it is now, I hated having to throw out half a tuna noodle casserole because I forgot to put the thing in the fridge.

94. Sports programming that offer unrealistic running times. The World Series games in three hours, including a 30-minute pregame? Dream on. The Masters golf tournament always ends past 7 pm ET, as do the 4 pm ET NFL games.

95. Bullies.

96. People who tell me my life’s an empty void without some technology (blackberry, iPhone). Maybe it is; I’ll let you know if I get one (an iPhone, not a life.)

97. Government entities who were designed to protect the people but end up helping the entities they were supposed to be regulating (FCC, FDA: guilty as charged).

98. Wine snobs.

99. Forgetting the good dreams.

100. My ability to be drawn to the negative.

OK, so there are one hundred things that annoy me. No tagging, here. If you’re inclined, have at it. ROG

Jaquandor’s Too Many Lists

Before that, though, I need to note a couple things

1. This Steve Bissette article, the part after Christian matchmaking, where he talks about FantaCo and its publications Gore Shriek and Smilin’ Ed.

2. The passing of Sydney Pollack, who not only directed Tootsie, one of my favorite films, but was one of those hyphenates as well known for his acting as his directing. He was a quite good actor, even in some mot so good scripts.

Jaquandor went quiz crazy. I’m answering the ones I feel like answering, having answered similar questions too recently .

Feet size: 10, although that can vacillate a bit depending on the brand of shoe in question.

Age you act: Thirty-seven. That was, in some ways, my favorite age.

Where you want to live: Don’t know, but living in upstate New York, given the rest of the country’s propensities towards fires, tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes, as good as anywhere. And when global warming really kicks in, it’ll be as warm here in 20 years as it is in Virginia now.

Favorite Saying: “That’s doable.” Actually that’s fallen into disuse of late, for some reason.

Favorite Ice Cream: When I went to Ben & Jerry’s for free ice cream last month, I asked for rum raisin; they had none. Have they discontinued it?

Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Any rum drink.

When Do You Go To Sleep: Generally between 9:30 and 10 pm, except on Thursday night, when it’s between 11 pm and midnight.

Most Embarrassing Moment: Too hard to narrow down.

Stupidest Person You Know: I’m a snob. I tend to avoid stupid people.

Funniest Person You Know: Probably Tim, though most of his comments are groan-worthy.

Favorite Food: Chicken, I suppose.

Favorite Song: Impossible to determine, but I’ll be working on that very topic soon.

Wedding song: “At Last” by Etta James, for cause.

Pets: Only stuffed.

5 years from now? I used to have to do that years ago, and there was almost never a correlation between the aspirational and the actual, so I don’t bother.

10 years from now? Or, conversely, if I looked back 10 years would I said, “Now is what I thought it’d be”? No.

Have You Ever…?

Done Drugs: Even inhaled.

Run Away From Home: Briefly.

Hit A Girl: No.

Lied: Anyone who says they didn’t is probably a liar.

Stolen Anything: Not in a long, long time.

Broken A Bone: No.

Cheated On A Test: Answered before, yes, 9th grade bio.

Gotten Drunk: A few times in my 20s, but not in at least a decade.

Fell asleep in the shower/bath: No.

Gone to Church: Yes, on most Sundays.

Never slept during a night: The last all-nighter was in 1981, when a bunch of my grade school friends all got together.

Ever been on a motorcycle or motorbike: Yes. Didn’t like it.

Been to a camp: Every summer for about a decade growing up. Didn’t like it.

Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: Probably not.

Seen someone die: Nope, I missed that fine honor by about an hour on two different occasions (my great uncle, my father).

Gone a week w/out shaving: A heck of a lot longer than that.

Didn’t wash your hair for a week: Probably in February 1975.

Broken something valuable: Possibly.

Thought you were in love: Or at least open to persuasion.

Streaked the streets: Interesting question.

Screamed at someone for no reason: well, not for NO reason. The reason may not have had anything to do with that person.

Said I love you and meant it: Why, yes.

Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: Oh, God, yes.

Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: If so, it was so long ago I can’t recall.

Pulled a prank: Mostly surprise birthday parties.

Which Is Better…?

1. Coke Or Pepsi: I suppose Pepsi, though both are probably poison.

2. Cats Or Dogs: Cats.

3. DVDs or VHS: DVDs because you can get to a section easier.

4. Deaf Or Blind: I suppose blind, because I’d miss music and the sound of my daughter’s voice.

5. Pools Or Hot Tubs: Neither.

6. Television Or Radio: TV

7. CDs Or mp3: CDs, still.

8. Apples or oranges: Apples – macs.

9. Strawberries or Blueberries: I prefer blueberries, but eat more strawberries.

10. Gold or silver: Gold.

11. Vanilla or chocolate: Vanilla, a choice that traumatized me in the 6th grade.

12. Video or Movie: Movie.

13. Park or Beach: Park.

14. Hot or Cold weather: Hot.

15. Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset.

When is the Last Time You…?

1. Took a shower: Yesterday morning.

2. Cried: Yesterday, listening to music.

3. Watched a Disney movie: Some years ago, unless you count Pixar, in which case it was three months ago.

4. Given/gotten a hug: From the daughter last night.

5. Been to the movies: Sunday.

6. Danced: I dance a lot. In my office chair, especially.

7. Did a survey like this: Last week.

What Is…?

1. Your Fondest Memory Of This Year: the ships at Jamestown.

2. Your Most Prized Possession: my signed copy of Abbey Road.

3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: having someone be excited about info I’ve shared with them.

4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast: pancakes with real maple syrup.

5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: lasagna.

6. Your Favorite Slow Song: “Slow Song” by Joe Jackson.

7. Your Ideal BF/GF: Smart, more sensible than I am.

What Do You Feel About…?

1. Bill Clinton: I never got how great his Presidency was supposed to have been. Much better than his successor though. He’s really annoyed me during his wife’s campaign for POTUS. And though he didn’t come up with it, HATED that First Black President moniker.

2. Love at First Sight: I suppose it’s possible. Never happened to me.

3. Abortion: Legal, safe and rare.

4. Smoking: If I get on an elevator with someone who had been smoking recently, I practically pass out.

5. Death: Even more inevitable than taxes.

6. Rap: I LOVED early rap, but when it got all misogynistic and all, it lost me.

7. Marilyn Manson: I never think of Marilyn Manson.

8. Premarital Sex: What two consenting adults do is none of my concern.

9. Suicide: NOT painless, especially for the survivors.

ROG

One

This is one of these quizzes that Jaquandor did. Four of our answers match.

Yourself: Disconbobulated.

Your Partner: Wiser.

Your Hair: Missing.

Your Mother: Enigmatic.

Your Father: Deceased.

Your Favorite Item: DVR

Your Dream Last Night: Sensual (Well, it was! So there!)

Your Favorite Drink: Juice.

Your Dream Home: Unknown.

The Room You Are In: Messy.

Your Fear: Quagmire.

Where Do You Want to be in 10 years: Anywhere.

Who You Hung Out With Last Night: Daughter.

What You Are Not: Thin.

Muffins: Blueberry.

One of Your Wish Items: Maid.

Time: Evaporating.

Last Thing You Did: Sleep.

What You Are Wearing: Pajamas.

Your Favorite Weather: Springtime.

Your Favorite Book: Almanac.

Last Thing You Ate: Chicken.

Your Mood: Contemplative.

Your Best Friends: Helpful.

What Are You Thinking About Right Now: Work.

Your Car: Dirty.

Your Summer: Busy.

What’s on your TV: News.

What Is Your Weather Like: Nice.

When Was the Last Time You Laughed: Yesterday.

What is your relationship status: Blessed
ROG

Your Score: the Prankster

Your humor style: CLEAN COMPLEX LIGHT

Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You’re not pretentious, but you’re not into what some would call ‘low humor’ either. You’ll laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something clever to something moist.

You probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it’s highly likely you’ve tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways, yours is the most entertaining type of humor because it’s smart without being mean-spirited.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O’Brian – Ashton Kutcher

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=17565214125862764376
The 3-Variable Funny Test!
***
Request that Albany-area folks check this post.

ROG