meme Archives - Page 8 of 28 - Ramblin' with Roger

One Long Meme (Part One)

Sunday Stealing again. Some of these questions assume that I would be eligible to date, which I am not, biut I’m answering them anyway in the spirit of the meme.

1. The phone rings. Who will it to be?

Lately, it’s been a prerecorded message urging me to vote for one candidate or another. Thank Allah the primary was last Tuesday. Also, I love caller ID.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

Generally. There are a couple waystations in the parking lot that I might use instead. In fact, when I see a shopping cart out in the street a few blocks away, and I’m heading to, or even near the grocery store, I’ll walk it back.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?

Depends. Mostly a listener unless I’m asked or if I have something significant to say.

4. Do you take compliments well?

Depends. If it’s something over which I have no real control over, such as my looks, then no; seems somehow superficial. If it’s something I accomplished, then usually yes, but just don’t overdo it.

5. Do you play Sudoku?

No. I sussed it out and decided that either I would find it too frustrating or too boring.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?

Probably not. Likely would eat some lethal berry and die.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

Yes, and I did not enjoy it.

8. What was your favorite game as a kid?

I loved all sorts of card games: canasta (with my grandmother and great-aunt), 500 rummy, pinochle (with my parents), gin rummy (with my grandfather), bid whist (with my parents); that’s pretty much chronologically how I learned. Also played Scrabble a lot.

9. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was married, would you?

Too complicated. Not worth it.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?

Well, yeah, but it would break down in due course.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?

Be pursued. I’m lousy at reading signals.

12. Use three words to describe yourself?

Curious, introspective, aural.

13. Do any songs make you cry?

Lots of songs make me cry. There are church hymns. The Barber adagio (about 6 minutes in an 8 minute version). Some old songs bring me back to a great moment. I had a whole coterie of songs that I would play when I had a romantic break up, including First Night Alone without You by Jane Olivor and Stay With Me by Lorraine Ellison.

14. Are you continuing your education?

Every day is an education.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun?

I’ve only fired a shotgun once.

16. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?

Used to do at the Woolworth’s all the time, when there WAS a Woolworth’s.

17. How often do you read books?

I start and stop. Read for days at a time then not for a couple weeks.

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future?

Present. I remember the past well enough, and the future’s just not knowable.

19. What is your favorite children’s book?

Bartholemew and the Oobleck by Dr. Seuss. Speaking truth to power. And oobleck is green.

20.What color are your eyes?

Bloodshot. Er, I mean Brown.

21. How tall are you?

5″11 5/8″ when I got measured by my draft board.

22. Where is your dream house located?

I was kind of waiting for Bernie Madoff to give me one of his. Actually, I have no idea how to answer that. There are characteristics I’d like (movie viewing room for one), but I don’t dream about houses. I think I’m a renter at heart, though we’ve owned our current house for nine years.

23. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?

Probably a folder with a bunch of CD-ROMs containing photos.

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?

This summer. Someone gave us a gift certificate. Before that, before we were married and that’s a decade.

25. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

To work via the Y.

26. Do you like mustard?

I love mustard. I use it on every sandwich meat except poultry. It goes into deviled eggs. Here’s something revolting: when I was a kid, and I had to eat canned beets, I would put mustard on beets. It’s not that I liked mustard that much; it’s that I HATED canned beets, and at least the mustard would mask the beet taste.

ROG

The Random Dozen Meme

I’m Sunday Stealing again:

1. When you go to Wowmart, what one thing do you get every single time, besides a funky-wheeled squeaking cart full of frustration?

The heebie-jeebies. Since I never go there on my own, only with other people, usually those with whom I am related, I find that it’s almost like suffocating.

2. What is something that people are currently “into” that you just don’t get or appreciate?

Probably a reality show that I haven’t even heard of. I mean I never knew about Jon and Kate until their marriage went south, and now I hear about them ALL OF THE TIME. Oh, I know something else: Twilight. All I know about it is what I read in other people’s blogs, none of it complimentary.

3. What is something that really hoists your sail that other people might feel “ho-hum” about?

Racquetball, the sport of kings. And I actually like to watch tennis tournaments such as the U.S. open and Wimbledon.

4. Favorite song to sing in the shower or car?

Oh, there’s no singular favorite. It’s often affected by my mood or what I’ve been listening to. On the bike, though, it’s as often as not, “Keeping On Running” by the Spencer Davis Group; GREAT bass line.

5. A really great salad must have this ingredient:

Lettuce other than iceberg.

6. What advice in a nutshell would you give to new bloggers?

Write three days worth of stuff before you post your first item; otherwise, you’ll have tabula rasa every day.

7. What was the alternate name that your parents almost named you? Do you wish they had chosen it instead of the one they gave you?

Actually, I was always going to be Roger, and my sister Leslie was going to be Leslie. I think my mom was pushing for Margaret for the baby sister, but Marcia was the compromise.

8. What in your life are you waiting for?

Very little. I find that waiting for even the weekend tends to diminish the time I’m in presently in. If it’d Wednesday and I want it to be Friday would mean Wednesday and Thursday are not being honored.

9. You get a package in the mail. What is it, and who is it from?

From my sister Marcia. Something she’s passed on from my 18-year-old niece to my 5 year old daughter.

10. Today–what song represents you?

I’m So Tired by the Beatles.

11. What is one thing that blogging has taught you about yourself?

That I’m even more opinionated than I thought I was, and more disciplined.

12. How are you going to (or how did you) choose the clothes you’re wearing today?
What do they say about you in general or specifically how you’re feeling today?

Are they clean? Are they wrinkled? Do they vaguely match? Are they torn? If the answers are Yes, No, Yes, and Depends On Where And How Much, respectively, we’re good to go. It means that clothes have never been that important to me.
***
I should note the passing of Larry Gelbart, writer of the TV show M*A*S*H (which I watched religiously), co-creator of the Broadway musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (hilarious, even in a local production I saw), and co-writer of Tootsie (a film I enjoyed), among many other credits, going back to working with Sid Caesar. But I’ll just recommend this piece by Mark Evanier and also this one, which rightly points to this piece by Ken Levine.

ROG

The Now Vs. Then Meme

One of those Sunday Stealing memes that would have been far more onerous had I compared now with 20 years ago, rather than 10

Then: August 1999

1. Age: 46

2. Romantic Status: newly married 3 months

3. Occupation: librarian, working downtown

4. Fun night out: usually go out to eat

5. My BFFs: Karen, Mark, Norman

6. I spent way too much time: watching sports on TV

7. I spent not enough time: reading books

8. I wanted to be when I grew up: a minister or a lawyer

9. Biggest concern: money

10. What my biggest concern should have been: time

11. Where did I live: in the house that Carol purchased in 1992

12. Dumbest thing I did that year: pretend that I was really cool with Carol going off to Scotland with her friend Jeanne a couple months after we were married. I missed her terribly AND I was still getting used to the house. She still might have gone, but my nonchalance gave her false info.

13. If I could go back now and talk to myself I would say: you’ll do OK.

Now: August 2009

1. Age: 56

2. Romantic Status: married

3. Occupation: librarian, working in soulless Corporate Woods

4. Fun night out: say what?

5. My BFFs: Karen, Mark, Norman

6. I spend way too much time: on the computer

7. I spend not enough time: reading books

8. I want to be when I grow up: I don’t want to grow up

9. Biggest concern: time for myself

10. What my biggest concern should be: how easily I sunburn now and taking more precautions re: that.

11. Where do I live: in a house Carol and I bought in 2000

12. Dumbest thing I have done this year: knocking down a small beehive in Lydia’s playhouse. Even though she was about 20 feet away, she ended up getting stung in the back of the neck by the bee/wasp/hornet. Then I got to listen to her ask, repeatedly, why it attacked her rather than me; the answer, of course, is that it would hurt me more if it stung her.

13. What I think I would say to myself in 10 years: you made it, more or less.

Summary:

1. What do I miss most from 1999: time

2. What do I miss least from 1999: uncertainty

3. What have I accomplished in 10 years that I am most proud of: staying married

4. What have I NOT accomplished in 10 years that I wish I had: that damn world peace; SO elusive.
***
One of the truly awful world events in my lifetime was the plane bombing over Lockerbie, Scotland. Over a dozen of the victims had ties with the Albany, NY area where I live. But as Demeur lays out, the one convicted participant might very well have got out on appeal. The release of Megrahi by Scotland may have been more pragmatic than compassionate.
***
From Steve Bissette:
If you are or ever have been a fan of the work of writer Steve Perry of Time Spirits, Thundercats and Silverhawks – not to be confused with either the prolific and popular sf writer or the rock star — and you can afford to help a man on his last legs, please, do so.

Despite the best efforts of myself and others, Steve is in dire straits at this very moment, suffering terminal cancer and lack of any support, and sorely in need of any help that can be sent his way.
***
Two journalists died this past week. Don Hewitt ran the Kennedy-Nixon debate, dubbed Walter Cronkite and created 60 Minutes. He wussed out over a tobacco story, but no one’s perfect.

My mom said if you have nothing good to say about someone, say nothing. Robert Novak: NOTHING.
***
Go here August 28 at 9:00AM ET and every Friday through September for a chance to get a Free Real Chocolate coupon for your favorite Mars product.

ROG

Jaq’s back meme

I had done this meme back in December 2008, when Jacquandor returned to blogging. But it was in draft in Blogger and – oops – never actually posted it!

No time like the present. The skips, I gather, are because I had already answered similar questions (then) recently:

1.Bought everyone in the bar a drink – yeah, but there were only a couple people IN the bar
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive – not even a dream of mine
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid – no
6. Held a tarantula – for some reason, I think I did at some controlled environment
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone – yes
08. Said “I love you” and meant it – yes
09. Hugged a tree – several
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise – yes
14. Seen the Northern Lights – no
15. Gone to a huge sports game – define “huge”. I went to some championship high school basketball games.
18. Touched an iceberg – no
20. Changed a baby’s diaper – pretty sure I did this BEFORE I had a child, though it had been so long that when Carol was pregnant, I actually volunteered to diaper a friend’s child to get back into practice.
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon – no
23. Gotten drunk on champagne – well, no. Too much champagne doesn’t get me drunk, it gives me a headache.
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope – well, yes, but not in far too long.
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment – nothing comes to mind, but it’s possible.
27. Had a food fight – not an outright fight; might have flicked a french fry or two.
28. Bet on a winning horse – no. Considering my distance from Saratoga, I’ve actually only been to the track once, surprisingly.
29. Asked out a stranger – define. I’ve been to parties where I’ve meet people and ultimately asked them out.
30. Had a snowball fight – yes.
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can – yes.
34. Ridden a roller coaster – yes, but not in years. It was a tradition that my father rode with my baby sister, I rode with my other sister, and my mother would hold our glasses, lest they fall off.
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking – probably.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day – no. I have adopted accents, though.
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment – sure.
39. Had two hard drives for your computer – no.
40. Visited all 50 states – 30.
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk. I drove home someone who was drunk. I didn’t have a license or a permit. And the statue of limitations on that has definitely passed.
42. Had amazing friends – heck, yeah.
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country – no.
45. Stolen a sign – maybe.
46. Backpacked in Europe – no.
47. Taken a road-trip – define; certainly from my POV.
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love – most definitely.
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them – no. But I have eaten with strangers on a train, which is the tradition.
54. Visited Japan – no.
56. Alphabetized your CDs – how the heck would I find 1500 CDs if I didn’t alphabetize them. There are the classicals (arranged by composer), the pop (arranged by artist), the genre -soundtracks, e.g. (arranged by title).
57. Pretended to be a superhero – is the Hulk a superhero?
59. Lounged around in bed all day – probably in February 1975. I was quite depressed.
60. Played touch football – yes, but not in years.
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken – of course.
69. Toured ancient sites – I always thought my grandmother’s house, built before 1870, was an ancient site.
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight – never played it at all.
72. Gotten married -yes.
74. Crashed a party – possibly.
76. Gone without food for 5 days – not even in my poorest days.
77. Made cookies from scratch – yes, but the payoff wasn’t worth the effort.
78. Won first prize in a costume contest – no.
80. Gotten a tattoo – no.
81. Rafted the Snake River – no, nor any other river.
82. Been on a television news program as an “expert” – no, but I was in a newspaper story about American Idol as an expert on keeping a secret from the time a television show is taped to the time it airs
84. Performed on stage – my father, sister and I performed as the Green Family Singers when I was a teenager. Also did a little theater.
85. Been to Las Vegas – no.
86. Recorded music – yes, but only for personal consumption.
87. Eaten shark – no.
88. Kissed on the first date – yes.
89. Gone to Thailand – no.
90. Bought a house – yes.
91. Been in a combat zone – no.
92. Buried one/both of your parents – buried my father.
93. Been on a cruise ship – no.
94. Spoken more than one language fluently – still working on English.
95. Performed in Rocky Horror – I brought an umbrella.
96. Raised children – more like raising a child.
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour – no.
98. Passed out cold – don’t believe so.
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country – no
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over – thrice in 1977 alone.
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge – no. Rode on it though.
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking – probably.
103. Had plastic surgery – no.
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived – definitely.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication – well, the Fantastic Four Chronicles had a print run of 70,000.
106. Lost over 100 pounds – gained and lost.
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback – probably.
108. Piloted an airplane – no.
109. Touched a stingray – no.
110. Broken someone’s heart – unfortunately, yes.
111. Helped an animal give birth – watched kittens being born, providing her bedding, but she didn’t seem to need much help.
112. Won money on a TV game show – rumor has it.
114. Gone on a photo safari – no.
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears – no, and not likely to.
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol – my grandfather had me fire his rifle when I was 6 or 7; landed on my behind.
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild – I was watching a piece on CBS Sunday Morning and, of the many different types of mushrooms, only about 20% were considered fit for human consumption. That would be a no.
118. Ridden a horse – first time 6/9/1976, the day after my first hangover. Not recommended.
119. Had major surgery – minor surgery (on knee).
120. Had a snake as a pet – no.
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon – never been to the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period – quite possibly. I had an allergic reaction to a pain medication, slept all day on someone else’s sofa, then got taken to the ER where I was attached to an IV for nine hours suffering from severe dehydration.
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States – no, 3 to 30.
124. Visited all 7 continents – only this one.
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days – no, though I have been canoeing.
126. Eaten kangaroo meat – no.
127. Eaten sushi – yes, but don’t love it. My wife does, though.
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about – almost certainly.
130. Gone back to school – a couple times, once successfully.
131. Parasailed – no
132. Touched a cockroach – dead ones.
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes – maybe.
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey – started, never finished.
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read – yes.
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – no, since I’ve never killed anything other than bugs.
137. Skipped all your school reunions – no, went to HS 10th and 35th. But never been to a college reunion.
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language – yes, in Mexico.
139. Been elected to public office – if nominated, I shall not run.
140. Written your own computer language – heavens, no. Though I did work with same whemn I was a SYSOP for an electronic BBS. terribly boring stuff to me.
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream – my dreams are so unfocused, I can’t say.
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care – well, that was the plan for my father, but he died.
143. Built your own PC from parts – nope.
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you – no.
145. Had a booth at a street fair – yes.
146. Dyed your hair – no, but someone once sprayed my hair gold.
147. Been a DJ – at my brother-in-law’s wedding in 1999. it was hard; I wanted to expand the listeners’ range, but I could get them on the dance floor only with the more traditional fare. Oh, and I did read the news on my college radio station for a few weeks.
148. Shaved your head – no, but there just isn’t that much there anyway.
149. Caused a car accident – caused, no. been in, yes.
150. Saved someone’s life – sure.

The Great Debate

SamuraiFrog doesn’t even know what VH1’s The Great Debate is, yet does this survey that’s based on it. Well, I’m likewise oblivious, but that won’t stop me from taking a crack at it.

Worst thing to happen to a penis on film: There’s Something About Mary vs. Porky’s
There’s Something About Mary. I must have seen Porky’s, but I don’t recall what happens. Yet I’ve NEVER seen Something About Mary, yet know precisely what happens. Mary by default – ouch.

Most effective PSA: Crying Indian vs. Your Brain on Drugs
Crying Indian. I always thought Brain was unintentionally hilarious, but I didn’t want to disappoint the Indian, after all we had done to his people.

Best teen soap: 90210 vs. The O.C.
Rarely saw Beverly Hills 90210, and never saw the sequel. Never saw The O.C. either but its press coverage just irritated me.

Dreamiest Travolta Stud: Tony Manero vs. Danny Zuko
Tony Manero, big time. Saturday Night Fever is a WAY better movie than Grease, and has better music to boot.

Kanye West: musical genius or tool?
Don’t know well enough to say.

Hotter Russian tennis babe: Maria Sharapova vs. Anna Kournikova
Sharapova, maybe because she’s a better player. Talent is hot.

Which is the better Hulk: Hulk Hogan vs. Incredible Hulk
Never cared one way or the other about Hulk Hogan. Watched Bill Bixby turn into Lou Ferrigno AND bought the comic book.

Most hated reality show villain: Omarosa vs. Spencer Pratt
I actually watched Omorosa on The Apprentice and she was just overly competitive. Her more recent appearances seem like schtick, the little I’ve seen. But Spencer and his friends are just mosquitoes.

Which was the wildest toy craze: Cabbage Patch Kids vs. Tickle Me Elmo
I found Cabbage Patch Kids utterly scary at the time. Tickle Me Elmo was just a surprise hit.

Who is the bigger attention whore: Chriss Angel vs. David Blaine
I’ve seen Angel’s name, but I know who Blaine is.

Ultimate 80s teen villain: James Spader vs. Billy Zabka
Zabka.

Most memorable commercial featuring a cat: Morris vs. Meow Mix
Tossup. The music favors the latter, but the look (same or similar cats) works for the former. Still, I’m more aural than visual: Meow Mix.

Sadder song: Nothing Compares 2 U vs. Tears in Heaven
I know Tears in Heaven’s about Clapton’s late son, but it never really moved me. The sheer strength of Sinead O’Connor’s performance wins out; better than Prince’s, and he wrote it.

Primo 80s teen queen: Debbie Gibson vs. Tiffany
Tiffany, I suppose, though I was not their demographic even then.

Who’s your maple syrup mama: Mrs. Butterworth vs. Aunt Jemima
The Mrs. Butterworth bottle is iconic; I have an empty bottle in the attic. And Aunt Jemima had the mammy thing going, so I tended to avoid it. Really, though, we always had Log Cabin in the house; have a couple empty bottles of that in the attic, too.

Social networking: Twitter vs. Facebook
Twitter. When I come to Facebook, I have 46 things I’m supposed to do. Just takes too long.

Best talent show ever: Star Search vs. American Idol
Mr. Frog: “I have to go with Star Search, because it seemed more genuinely like a talent show. Idol is all about finding someone who fits neatly into the cookie cutter image of Bland, Inoffensive, Very Marketable Pop Star Who Can Quickly Record an Album You Won’t Buy.” Except that people DO buy them. Almost the only thing people are actually purchasing besides High School Musical and Michael Jackson.

Hotter Simpson sister: Ashlee vs. Jessica
Jessica. Ashley’s just weird looking.

Mightier kick-ass TV car: the General Lee vs. K.I.T.T.
At the time, the rebel flag on the General Lee really bugged me, so I guess K.I.T.T.

Which was the better dance craze: Y.M.C.A. vs. the Macarena
“Better”? The Macarena was the bigger hit, but Yimca is more lasting, so I’d pick that.

Ultimate all-girl pop group: Spice Girls vs. the Pussycat Dolls
Spice Girls. Had actual songs, actual personalities. PCD just seemed like burlesque.

Which invention helped men more: Rogaine vs. Viagra
I’ve been losing my hair since I was 17, so frankly I just don’t get worrying about it. Whereas if I couldn’t, well you know, I’d probably want to get some blue pills.

Most believable man in drag: Mrs. Doubtfire vs. Tootsie
I always thought Tootsie came from a more more real place, and every interview with Dustin Hoffman confirms that. He was an out-of-work, temperamental oaf. But Mrs. Doubtfire certainly learned more from her, er, his charade. Very different intents.

Which sex tape had the bigger impact: Paris Hilton vs. Kim Kardashian
Impact on what? Society? Meh. That said, Paris always seems bored, so Paris is boring.

Which sports anthem pumps you up more: “Rock and Roll, Part 2” vs. “We Will Rock You”
“We Will Rock You”. While overplayed, it ain’t nothing like the ubiquitous “Rock and Roll”.

Perez Hilton: love him or hate him
Pretty much hate him. Frog: “He’s a sad little man, so desperate to be accepted as a celebrity by other celebrities, and at the same time so desperate to be better than them and savage their images with no consequences.”

More controversial rapper: Eminem vs. Snoop Dogg
I think Eminem is a jerk – his relationships with others suggest that. But making a well-received movie and singing with Elton John doesn’t make one controversial. Snoop Dogg just seems like a celebrity wannabe. Frankly don’t know enough about either to care. Frog: “Great quote from ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic: ‘I’m a fan of Eminem, and I love that parody of ‘Purple Rain’ that he did. What was it called? Oh yeah, 8 Mile.”

The Snuggie: genius or crap
Oh, dear. I had to look this up. Maybe five years ago, someone would have given us one to try out and I might actually have had an opinion.

Who wins in a fight: He-Man vs. ThunderCats
With teamwork, I’d think the Cats, but I’m not really versed enough.

Bigger book craze: Da Vinci Code vs. Harry Potter
Harry Potter, hands down. Dan Brown may be rich, but J.K. Rowling’s wealth rivals the Queen of England.

Most entertaining pageant: Westminster dog show vs. Miss America
Until about maybe 1986, Miss America. Seriously, could anyone actually NAME the current Miss America? I can’t. The fact that the contest’s been relegated to cable tells you something. Whereas the Westminster Dog Show has become more prominent. The winner gets mentioned on the news. Couldn’t name that winner either. So maybe it’s a draw, except the beauty pageant has a down arrow. It’s also more diminished by competitors (Miss USA, e.g.) whereas Westminister is the gold standard.

Better talk show host: Conan vs. Letterman
Letterman, but I haven’t watched much Conan interviewing.

Huger Schwarzenegger bad-ass: Conan the Barbarian vs. the Terminator
Conan, but that’s my comic book roots showing.

Who’s more bootylicious: Beyonce vs. J. Lo
Strange, but every time I see Beyonce, I say, “Who’s that?” She looks just slightly different each time. J. Lo by default.

Jerkiest high school principal: Rooney vs. Vernon
Frog: “Vernon was a dick who abused his power and got angry, but Rooney was willing to destroy himself in his efforts to catch Ferris Bueller playing hooky.” I need to see Ferris Bueller again. Saw it once it was OK, but not iconic. Animal House I saw once and it stuck.

Who’s got more cooties: Pete Doherty vs. Amy Winehouse
Yawn. Don’t care.

Steamier bisexual fantasy: Lindsay Lohan vs. Tila Tequila
Frog: “They’re both awful. Now, if we were talking about 2004 Lindsay Lohan, that would be one thing…The whole notion of either one being a steamy fantasy is pretty disgusting.”

Ultimate primetime game show: Wheel of Fortune vs. Jeopardy
Take a wild guess. Actually, even at home, I’m better at J than Wheel. Also, Wheel requires people to feign excitement and yell “Big money! Big money!” while the wheel rotates. No thanks.

Who stole the show: Urkel vs. The Fonz
Both of them did. I liked Fonzie, pretty much until he jumped the shark. That MAY have been one of the last episodes of Happy Days I saw. Whereas I never watched Urkel, couldn’t tell you what the name of the show he was on, and yet he’d ALWAYS be on my TV! Irritating.

Spicier sexpert: Dr. Ruth vs. Sue Johanson
Frog: “Who the hell is Sue Johanson?” Haven’t seen her in years, but always found Ruth entertaining.

Weepiest tear-jerker: Terms of Endearment vs. Steel Magnolias
I hated Tears of Internment. Actually I liked it early, with Jack Nicholson, but I left the theater feeling really irritated. Whereas I saw Magnolias but am hard pressed to remember it.

Who is the flashier showboat: Sanders vs. Owens
Deion has his schtick down pat; Terrell is still figuring it out.

Who is the better royal lay: Prince Harry vs. Prince William
Frog: “I’d go with Prince Harry, because he looks more like his beautiful mother and Prince William is slowly morphing into his father.”

Best TV housekeeper: Mrs. Garrett vs. Alice
Never watched The Brady Bunch while it aired. Always liked Ann B. Davis from the Bob Cummings Show. AND she was born in Schenectady. But I saw Mrs. Garrett more, so I’ll go with her.

Most bad-ass Tarantino flick: Reservoir Dogs vs. Pulp Fiction
Never saw Reservoir Dogs.

Hottest Gilligan castaway: Mary Ann vs. Ginger
Mary Ann. Ginger came off as a manipulative jerk.

Most legendary Hollywood couple: Kermit/Miss Piggy vs. Bogart/Bacall
Frog: “Are you kidding? Muppets always win!”

Bruno vs. Borat
Never saw either, but just from the buzz, I suspect Bruno would irritate me more.

Guiltier reality TV pleasure: Rock of Love vs. Flavor of Love
I’ve never watched either show. Is Flavor the one with Flavor Flav?

Ultimate female movie psycho: Glenn Close vs. Kathy Bates
Frog: “Glenn Close. Annie Wilkes was scary, but Alex Forrest was sexy and enticing, which makes her even deadlier. Because Annie is someone you don’t want to be trapped with, and Alex is.” I did see Misery, never saw the bunny cooker film Fatal Attraction, but have seen enough clips.

Who has the most fabulous reality show: Tyra Banks vs. Heidi Klum
Have no idea. Fabulous and reality show in the same sentence?

Which are cuter: kittens vs. puppies
Most animals are cute, but I’ll give the edge to the felines.

The Hills: Genius or Dumb
I’ve never seen a minute of it, yet from what I read it sounds very stupid.

Who’s the bigger political cad: Edwards vs. Clinton
Clinton, if only because it seems he did it more often. Still, lying about sex oughtn’t to be an impeachable offense. (Lying about war? Well, yeah.) And Ken Starr served no interest but prurient when he had a website filled with the smallest details.

Does disco suck: yes or no
No. Lots of dance music still derives from it. Scott reminded me that this year is the 30th anniversary of Disco Demolition Night, which I thought was lame, even before the outcome.

Coolest TV cop pair: CHiPs vs. Miami Vice
I rather liked Miami Vice early, but I grew weary. CHiPs made me weary from the outset.

Most memorable commercial featuring an old lady: Where’s the beef? vs. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” has far more practical applications. “Where’s the beef?” is specific to a time (the 1980s,) a place (Wendy’s) and an actress (Clara Peller), whereas “I’ve fallen” has more universality.

Hotter Charlie’s Angels trio: the 2000s vs. the 70s
Though I wasn’t a fan of either, I’ll say the 1970s. Had a crush on Kate Jackson, who I knew from an earlier ABC show called The Rookies. She played the wife of one of the young cops. And Jaclyn Smith even now is hotter than any from the more recent edition.

Boxers vs. Briefs
Own more briefs, prefer boxers.

Battle of the 80s charity songs: “We Are the World” vs. “Do They Know It’s Christmas”
“Christmas” always bugged me lyrically. Most of “them” aren’t Christians; why SHOULD they know it’s Christmas? And “World” has Ray Charles, not to mention Dylan trying to sing in tune.

Ugliest sports injury ever: Holyfield vs. Theisman
Theisman’s, which I saw in real time, was way more horrific.

Raddest video game craze: Pac-Man vs. Donkey Kong
Pac-Man, definitely. Played DK occasionally, but Pac-Man and especially the Ms. a LOT.

Who would you rather adopt: Arnold vs. Webster
Arnold was funnier. Webster was more like an angry old (and short) man. Watched the former occasionally, the latter as little as possible.

Lady GaGa vs. Katy Perry
Must say that I know Perry only for the “I Kissed A Girl” which was inferior to the same-named song by Jill Sobule in the mid-1990s. Here’s an interesting take on Perry, Jonas Brothers and Craig Ferguson. But Katy Perry is kinda cute, while Lady GaGa has these outfits that make her look like a space alien. Also, GaGa’s been promoted big time by Perez Hilton, who’s a putz.

Who’s tougher: Rambo vs. Rocky
Frog: “Rocky. He went the distance.” Having said that, I saw five Rocky pictures, but zero Rambo flicks.

Best boy band: ‘NSync vs. New Kids on the Block
They are the same group in my mind.

The Jerry Springer Show: trash or gold
Trash, trash, trash, under the guise of being helpful. I found it hysterical that he recently appeared on Dancing with the Stars. Probably trying to redeem his very tainted image.

Super Harrison Ford hero: Han Solo vs. Indiana Jones
Frog: “I love them both, but Indy always seemed more human to me.” And Sean Connery MADE the third film for me.

Top pop princess: Britney vs. Christina
I suppose Christina.

Scariest serial killer: Freddy vs. Jason
I only saw the guy in the mask once and Freddy not at all. Frog: “Freddy attacks you in your dreams, which is much scarier. I mean, I can stay out of the woods but I can’t avoid going to sleep.” One of the oddities of my life is that I sold Freddy Krueger masks and (plastic) claws when I worked at FantaCo in the 1980s, mostly via mail order. We sold a LOT of them; THAT I thought was really scary. We tried to sell Jason masks, but it’s really just a variation on a hockey mask, and it didn’t move that well.

Boobs: fake vs. real
What an odd question. In fact, I have no basis for comparison. There are all sorts of legit reasons for artificial enhancements.

Mega music mogul: Diddy vs. Jay Z
Diddy annoyed me years ago, Jay-Z more recently.

Geekiest fans: Star Wars vs. Star Trek
Tough question. Both groups have kvetched about things that aren’t part of the “canon.” I declare it a draw. Of course, if you throw in Doctor Who, as Mike Sterling did recently, I’d be inclined to lean towards the good Doctor.

Team Aniston vs. Team Jolie
Don’t care. It’s their – and Pitt’s – business, not mine.

Bigger blockbuster craze: Jurassic Park vs. Titanic
Titanic was the bigger movie, but JP was a series, with action figures and the like. I enjoyed the soundtracks to Titanic, especially the second one.

Greatest band of all time: Beatles vs. Rolling Stones
I must say the Beatles’ early albums were better than the Stones’ early collections. Don’t think the Stones had a decent ALBUM until Aftermath (featuring “Paint It, Black”). Then they both had solid runs, the Beatles broke up but the Stones CONTINUED to have good tunes. I’ll pick the Beatles because their songwriting had a greater cultural appreciation, but it’s a slim margin.

Supreme diva: Whitney vs. Mariah
I liked Whitney Houston early on. Mariah seemed to need to irritatingly infuse her five-octave voice everywhere, all the time. Then Whitney got with Bobby Brown and became a sad persona, while Mariah freed herself from Tommy Mottola – Emancipation of Mimi, indeed – and seems a whole lot more together when she got married again relatively recently. So depends on the definition of diva.

Which alien would you rather party with: ALF vs. ET
Frog: “They both seem like lame party guests. And I couldn’t go the whole night without strangling ALF to death.”

Simpsons vs. Family Guy
Frog: “The Simpsons, at least the first 10 seasons, is one of the funniest shows in history.”

Best pop star ever: Madonna vs. Michael Jackson
Frog: “Michael Jackson. His musical output up to about 1989 is amazing, and Madonna… well, everything of hers I liked can probably fit on one CD.” In fact, I have my one greatest hits of Madonna’s tunes, while I have a lot of J5 and a couple of MJ albums.

Fiercest supermodel biatch: Naomi Campbell vs. Janice Dickinson
I’ve never watched, but the little I’ve read suggests that Janice Dickinson is less well-hinged. Oh, and I hate the word biatch.

Which baseball franchise rules: Red Sox vs. Yankees
The Yankees ruled the 20th Century, the Red Sox the 21st – so far.

Sexiest ‘stache: Burt Reynolds vs. Tom Selleck
Frog: “Burt. That ‘stache is what all ‘staches aspire to.”

Worst celebrity excuse: Simpson’s acid reflux vs. Piven’s mercury poisoning
Must say, I have no idea what these are about. But I’ve had acid reflux.

Biggest fall from grace: George Michael vs. Boy George
George Michael, if only because he was a much bigger star.

Greatest cheestastic Broadway show on Earth: Cats vs. Phantom
Frog: “They’re both incredibly cheesy, but Phantom of the Opera has better music. And a plot.”

Who cares more about the world: Sting vs. Bono
I know Bono comes off preachy and sanctimonious, but he’s had an impact. Still, the question of who cares more is unanswerable because I can’t see into their hearts.

Least arousing sex book: Joy of Sex vs. Madonna’s Sex
I read Joy of Sex when I was 16 and, er, learned stuff. (I think it was on Arthur at AmeriNZ’s podcast where someone was noting that Joy of Sex was either heterocentric or homophobic; not having looked at it in 40 years, I’ll have to check that out.) Frog: “Madonna’s book is an over-the-top gynecology exam, far too cynical and cold to really be sexy.”

Would you rather be a Flintstone or a Jetson?
Frog: “A Jetson. It’s a convenience issue.” I’m still waiting for my Rosie to clean up the place.

Most indestructible rocker: Ozzy Osbourne vs. Keith Richards
Frog: “Keef!”

Most hideous footwear trend: Crocs vs. Uggs
I’m fashion blind. If you put them each in front of me, I’d only have a 50/50 chance of sussing out which was which.

Funniest TV foreigner: Balki vs. Latka
Frog: “Latka. I am one of those ‘Andy Kaufman was a genius’ people.”

Better buzz: Red Bull vs. Jolt
I’ve never had either.

Which member of The View would you eat first if stranded on a desert island?
Frog: “Sherri Sheppard. She’s a moron, the world will never miss her. Plus, she’ll provide a longer store.”

Best cartoon pet: Snoopy vs. Garfield
Frog: “I have to go with Snoopy. Garfield tends to lay around and be cynical, but Snoopy’s so many things–a World War I flying ace, a novelist, a vulture, Joe Cool, and he can dance.”

Best Jersey export: Bruce Springsteen vs. Bon Jovi
Hmm. I have over a dozen Springsteen albums, he’s helped to note the contributions of Pete Seeger, and I went to see him in concert this year. I have zero Bon Jovi albums, and I have no desire to see them in concert. Easy choice. Jon Bon Jovi, though, does own a football team; I always wanted to own a sports team, at least in the abstract, so that’s one in his favor.