Tag: April Fools Day

April Fools, but apparently real signs

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS 
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop: 
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)
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Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
—————————————————————
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
——————————————————
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
———————————————————-
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
—————————————————————-
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
———————————————————————–
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
—————————————————————-
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
————————————————————————
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
———————————————————-
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
———————————————-
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
———————————————–
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
—————- ———————————
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is…
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Twelve coins and other tricks

7 Ways to Fool the Brain

magicFor me, there are tricks that involve mental gymnastics, and then there are those that involve sleight of hand. I’m pretty good with the former, not so hot with the latter.

Twelve Coins. It’s a puzzle. The question is in two parts. The first part is very easy, the second part is very, very hard.

Now THAT I can ponder.

But the magic stuff, while I find it quite interesting, I have NO skills.

How to Pass a Coin through the Hand | Coin Tricks.

Free coin and money tricks and illusions, amazing coin sleights

Now, blogger Mark Evanier has done some magic in his time Here, for instance, is Mark Evanier, child magician.

He also links to a lot of magic:

Richard Turner, Card Mechanic

Jason Latimer with a great variation on the oldest trick in the book…

CBS News profile of Penn & Teller, plus Magic Tricks Revealed, By Teller: 7 Ways to Fool the Brain.

An interview with David Copperfield. It’s a little about the “business” of magic but more about his inspirations.

Mastermind Max Maven.

On a different note: Elvis sings Thelonious Monk.

An April Fools acrostic.

John Oliver disses April Fools Day.

 

Don’t cry for me, Art and Tina

It’s April 1, and, as usual, I got nuthin’. I usually find the stuff that people pull on others, such as this list from PARADE magazine, are, at best, unfunny, and at worst, really annoying. Though I rather liked this one.

I’m reminded again that I can be funny, but that it’s situational. Just yesterday, I was in a convenience store and some government agency guy wanted to take pictures of the cigarettes, which I noted to the clerk was was one of the worst pickup lines ever; she laughed, and it WAS funny (especially with the delivery and voice), but ya had to be there…

Punography

Do I lack a sense of humor?

OBVIOUSLY I am a humorless fellow.

Sometimes, I watch, for a minute or two, some comedian on Comedy Central – the TV was set there from recording The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Much more often than not, I find the person seriously unfunny. And it has long been such.

One time, around 1989, I was at my girlfriend’s house. I was feeling kind of dragged out, and though it was Thursday night I don’t believe I went to choir rehearsal. After choir, she invited a few of our choir friends home, which was OK.

At some point, one of the choir members makes a joke. I don’t specifically remember the story, but it made mention of some Jamaican man’s genitalia and its large size. I thought it was not only off-color (about which I probably would have let pass) but also racist. But I didn’t say anything for a couple of hours. Maybe my illness has made me more touchy, I mused. But when it STILL bugged me, I felt I needed to say something.

So I told the teller of the joke that I didn’t enjoy the joke, and that I found it racially offensive. She quickly and sincerely apologized.

Then her friend said, “Oh, Roger, you just don’t have a sense of humor.” Between feeling crummy, and being really annoyed with her dismissing my feelings, not to mention that I had not been addressing her, I said to her something I think I’ve only said two or three times to another human being in my life: “F@#$ YOU!” Not my finest hour, but there it is.

OBVIOUSLY, I am a humorless fellow. That wasn’t either the first or last time someone has leveled that charge at me, though generally, I respond with a little more civility.

Actually, I find LOTS of things funny. Seriously, I do. Just not that. Or that. And certainly not THAT.

Did I read that sign right?

Allegedly, these signs are all true. If not, they smack of truthiness.


In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER…… PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK).

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