Christmas Archives - Page 14 of 16

“War Against Christmas” Is OVER (If You Want It)

The parties have agreed to be COOL with being greeted with “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” without getting all bent out of shape about it.

(Dateline: Albany, NY) Roger Green, founder, and president of the organization Christmas Or Other Labels (COOL), has declared the war on Christmas in the United States to be officially over. People celebrating the holiday religiously, those celebrating it socially, and those not celebrating it at all were all declared victors in emotional celebrations across the country.

The Christian folks have decided that, while it IS approaching Christmas in December, there ARE people who practice other religions, or no religions at all, and they are determined to be COOL about it.

Besides, the period called Christmastide on the Christian calendar doesn’t actually start until December 25, and running to early January, the 12 days of Christmas. And the Pope is clear that we’re celebrating the birth of Christ at the wrong time of the year anyway.

The Christians also acknowledge that the declaration that there was a “war” on Christmas was a bit hyperbolic, given the actual violence perpetrated against Christians in Nigeria last Christmas. Not to mention how Christmas has become so large, it is now starting to devour Thanksgiving.

The non-religious have agreed to be COOL about the fact that the placement of Christmas in December, and the use of the fir tree, are based on pagan traditions, and to stop being snarky about it. They have also recognized that the holiday IS important to some people on religious grounds and to not prattle on about how commercialized it’s become. If the feeling starts swelling up, the Rx is to go watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, repeatedly if necessary.

The non-Christian religious, and the people who just like exchanging presents, acknowledge that they’re COOL with it all.

In this era of rapprochement, the parties have agreed to be COOL with being greeted with “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”, or beautiful Bogie day, or sterling Serling Day, in the spirit in which it was offered, without getting all bent out of shape about it. They’ve decided that Waging Peace on Christmas is a much more life-affirming strategy.

As John and Yoko sang, War is Over (If You Want It).
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Jon Stewart shows why ‘The war on Christmas’ is nuts

SamuraiFrog’s Last Word Ever on the “War on Christmas”

John Lennon: The Last Interview, from Rolling Stone

The Rules: Christmas Gifts

thought we had an implied contract. I hint about gifts, she buys, and if there’s something that I want – that I really, really want – that I didn’t get, I’ll buy it myself.

We’ve been married for over 13 years. You’d think The Wife would have figured out the rules about Christmas gifts by now. Maybe I’m too subtle.

Back in September, she made a passing remark about some of the things she might want for Christmas. One of them was a health book; she actually has an earlier iteration, from the 1970s, but it’s now up to the ninth edition.

In October, she comes home from the bookstore with that very book! She says, “Look at what I got!” I harrumphed; I had just ordered it on Amazon that week, and it was too late to cancel. She didn’t see this as a big deal; I did, because she’s not always the easiest person to shop for, and I don’t have an infinite amount of inspiration.

It was especially tricky because we weren’t going to the Medieval Faire this year, that event, where I often buy her a nice wool sweater that she has coveted, fell on the same day I had an extra choir rehearsal, a family birthday party, the daughter’s soccer game, and her first ballet rehearsal for the Nutcracker. Not to mention picking up our repaired vacuum cleaner and taking stuff to the shredding events – we have several bags, and it only takes place periodically.

Moreover, I thought we had an implied contract. I hint about gifts, she buys, and if there’s something that I want – that I really, really want – that I didn’t get, I’ll buy it myself. So when she broadly gives hints before Christmas, I don’t expect her to come home with the item a month later. She claims that she didn’t think I heard her; I almost ALWAYS hear her, though I may have REACTED as though I didn’t, which I attribute to my fine thespian skills.

She said, “Well, it’s no big deal; I’ll return it and get something else.” Well, no, then she’d know precisely what I got her, and there’d be less fun in that. Ultimately, I gave the book I bought to someone else, as a VERY early Christmas present, and bought The Wife ANOTHER book, which, I hope, she doesn’t go out and purchase herself. Because I’m starting to run out of ideas…

The (belated) Christmas present

I have this huge box in the living room which has become a constant reminder of my frustrations, technological and otherwise.

The major thing I wanted for Christmas was a stationary bicycle, something I can use for exercise at home when:
* the weather is lousy
* I have a finite amount of time, so I can’t go all the way to Siena College to play racquetball
* I have to stay home to watch the child while my wife is having a work or church meeting, or is going to work out at the YMCA

So, in January, the Wife bought me one. Before she purchased it, she said she would assemble it, because it would save money. This made me quite uncomfortable, actually, because we have a few half-done home projects. Yet one must not be too ungracious when receiving a present. But after the school winter break was over, I got frustrated, and I opened the box to find OVER 90 PARTS. I carefully laid them all out, and then read the instructions.

If you go to, say, this site, you’ll read testimonials such as: “Put together in minutes, instructions were great, not many parts to assemble” (not many parts?) or “Assembly was pretty straightforward and took about 45 minutes (I suggest doing a bit at a time to avoid getting overwhelmed like I do when faced with assembly).”

I could NOT figure out, in instruction item #1, what item was the first piece to go into the base of the bike. I was highly motivated, yet could not crack this nut. Arrgh.

Now it’s July, and I STILL don’t have a stationary bike. Or more correctly, I have this huge box in the living room that has become a constant reminder of my frustrations, technological and otherwise. So when the Wife started making the five-year plans for the house – they are extensive – I balked and said no renovation until the bike was assembled. She could assemble it, she could pay someone to assemble it – I did not care.

Ultimately, she hired two guys who showed up and finished it in about 30 minutes. I was SO happy.

Now, let me rant about GPS. These guys came from Saratoga, about a half-hour from Albany. The Wife confirmed that we live near Hudson Street, but the GPS got them downtown, to South Pearl and Hudson, and you can’t to my house from there. Then they called from Madison Place when my wife told them to go up on Madison Avenue. All told, it took them about an hour of driving around the city of Albany to get to my house, when it should have taken 15 minutes if they hit all the red lights, had they accepted the directions my wife offered to give them. “No, thanks, we have GPS.” Meh.

A day or two later, we hear on our answering machine one of those automated surveys to see how the guys did. Apparently, the system is not smart enough to recognize that it’s reached an answering machine, and kept asking the first question over and over again, interrupted only by “Sorry, I didn’t hear your answer.” Meh.

But the bike assembly was great, the bike itself is great. And even though it’s summer, I can imagine using it on those too hot days, as well as the stormy ones.

Christmas 2011

The Bells of Christmas may be my favorite recording of a Christmas song ever.

Merry Christmas! It’s a Sunday morning and I’ll be going to church, but our choir is not singing; we sang on Christmas Eve, but not Christmas Day, which is fine by me. Besides, Santa is probably tired from putting presents under the tree.

Somebody I once met was born on Christmas Day 1924, and that’s the late Rod Serling. My blogger buddy Gordon has been trying to institute his and Humphrey Bogart’s birthdays (b. 1899) as alternative holidays for “those who may be atheists, agnostics, or just plain tired of the usual thing.” Don’t know how that’s working out.

Speaking of Serling, I reviewed his bio back in October, and I was thrilled to find that the book’s author, Joel Engel, commented on my post! Check it out.

And as for that OTHER holiday today, here’s The Bells of Christmas and Joy to the World, both sung by Julie Andrews. The former may be my favorite recording of a Christmas song ever; the latter recording pops as though it’s from that original Firestone tire LP that I owned as a kid, and in fact still own.

Want/Give for Christmas? QUESTIONS

What do you want for Christmas? What are you giving?

I’ve gotten pretty narrow with my Christmas want list, year after year. I always want a new Hess truck and a World Almanac. Every two or three years, a Leonard Maltin Movie Guide. And then I put a bunch of CDs on the Amazon list from which people select one or two; I’ve just added a couple of albums by Florence + the Machine, so it’s not ALL 20th Century artists.

As for what I’m giving, except for the wife and daughter, I’m usually utilizing the gift card.

What do you want for Christmas? What are you giving?
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Christmas Eve in San Diego
The Tick Loves Santa!
What Shooting Parrots hates about Christmas; see my comment for related disdain.