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The Scenario

Hair in my food?

I found this at something called Monday Mayhem, only the URL spells it “mahem”. Whatever. It’s rather like Sunday Stealing except the lists tend to be shorter. I thought this one from January was rather interesting.

1. You see a strange car pull up to your neighbor’s house every day at lunchtime. You accidentally glance into the window of the house and notice that your ‘happily married neighbor’ is fooling around! What do you do?

Well, it depends very much on my relationship with the neighbor and the neighbor’s spouse. It might be that I would do absolutely nothing at all if I didn’t know them well. If the one fooling around was my friend, I probably would mention it to him/her. If the neighbor’s spouse was my friend, I would almost certainly mention it, not to my friend, at least initially, but to the cheating spouse, with a recommendation to end the affair; whether I told my friend would depend on the actions of the person “fooling around”.

2. You are at the mall and a mom with really annoying screaming little kids is walking in front of you. She goes to give her kids a quarter for the giant gumball machine and she accidentally drops a $10 bill and doesn’t realize it. What do you do?

Say, “Hey lady, you dropped something!” Don’t know how the noisy kids factor into this. Right is right.

3. You get an email from a candy company telling you that they will send you 6 pounds of delicious chocolate if you blog about their product. When you get the product and try it you realize that it is the worst chocolate that you have ever tasted. What do you do?

It’d be one of two things: 1) I just don’t write anything at all, especially if it’s a small company, or 2) I write a negative review, probably filled with qualifiers such as “unfortunately, I found the candy pretty much inedible. I have to wonder: was this just a bad, or tainted batch, or is this what they sell regularly? If the latter, I can’t imagine long-term success.”

4. Texting while driving is one of the most dangerous and annoying things someone could do. Yet, what would you do if you were driving and listening to the radio when the announcer says that he will give $10,000 to the first person with your name that texts a message to him?

Well, assuming I actually knew where my cellphone was, if I were driving, I’d pull over at the first opportunity.

5. You’ve been invited to your boss’s house for a dinner party. It’s dark out and there is poor lighting when you get there. As soon as you get inside you realize that you have stepped in dog poop and you have tracked into your boss’s house. What do you do?

Well, it would depend on whether it was the boss’s dog. If it was, I’d say, “I’m afraid I just stepped into some dog poop” without specifying. Conversely, if I knew for sure it WASN’T my boss’s dog, I’d launch into a tirade about people who don’t curb their pets.

6. You are at a restaurant waiting for your food to arrive. You’ve waited nearly 30 minutes since the moment you placed your order when your food finally shows up. There is a hair on the top of the food. Do you send it back and wait another 30 minutes or do you deal?

I send it back and leave, paying for the drinks and salad already consumed. All the restaurant studies suggest it is the experience, not the quality of the food, that makes the most impact on whether one has a good or poor dining experience. Another half-hour wait would make it a poor dining experience, no matter how good the food was.

7. If you had the power to do so, what would be the one question that you would like to ask anyone who reads this?

Why do they call it “reality television” when the circumstances are so artificial, anything but real?
***
Exene Cervenka of the band X co-directed Bad Day (1986), a “20-minute, silent, black & white western to pay tribute to the early days of the one-reel westerns,” starting John Doe (X), Dave Alvin (Blasters), Chris D (Flesh Eaters), Kevin Costner (yes, that Kevin Costner), “now available for digital download on a pay-what-you-will basis…a portion of the proceeds from the film are going to Gulf Coast aid organizations.”

MOVIE REVIEW: Toy Story 3

Who WERE those three heartless Rotten Tomatoes heartless critics who didn’t like Toy Story 3?

OK, let’s get my singular complaint out of the way. My wife and I both felt that the 3-D did not particularly enhance Toy Story 3, at least when we saw it at the Madison Theatre in Albany last week. I had not read Roger Ebert’s otherwise positive review of the film, which ends, “Just don’t get me started about the 3-D.”

That said, this may be my favorite of the three Toy Story movies, and we own the first two on something called VHS. It starts with a flashback scene of Andy (voice of John Morris) playing with his toys, followed by present-day Andy getting ready for college. What should he do with his frankly neglected buddies? His mother (Laurie Metcalf) has an idea that he doesn’t much care for. Andy decides to take Woody (Tom Hanks) along with him to college and put the others in the attic, but miscommunication ensues, with nearly unfortunate results.

There was an article in the Wall Street Journal back on February 19 that describes the plot this way: “In Pixar’s coming movie ‘Toy Story 3,’ Woody the cowboy and his toy-box friends are dumped in a day-care center after their owner, Andy, leaves for college.” Well, not quite; I think there was intentional misdirection on Pixar’s part, rather like the wallpaper image shown above.

The toys do find themselves at the day-care center; quoting Ebert: “they think they’ll like [it], because there will be plenty of kids to play with them all day long. There seems to be relatively little grieving about the loss of Andy’s affections; he did, after all, sentence them to a toy box for years, and toys by nature are self-centered and want to be played with.”

There is a pecking order in the daycare, with the bear named Lotso (Ned Beatty) the seemingly Burl Ives-like, avuncular leader of the toys. Ultimately, the best scene in this segment may be between the clotheshorse Ken (Michael Keaton) and smarter-than-she-seems Barbie (Jodi Benson). Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) en Espanol is also entertaining.

Ultimately, the ending made my wife a little verklempt. As for me, I wasn’t nearly (sob) as (sob) affec(sob)ted (sob). Apparently, we were not alone.

No, we did not bring the daughter. There was enough “toys in peril” stuff going on in this G-rated film that we agreed that she would not enjoy it.

Oh, here’s a different kind of complaint I have: surely this movie will be nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards, and deservedly so. It got 99% positive reviews in Rotten Tomatoes; who WERE those three heartless critics who didn’t like it? But because there is now an animated feature category, its chances of winning the big award are virtually nil. I predict a best original screenplay nomination for Michael Arndt, probably best known for Little Miss Sunshine; not brave enough to pick it to win…yet.

Y is for YES!

It occurred to me that one of the most famous uses of the word “yes” in film replicates a lie.

Sometimes, it feels like such a NO world. Things go wrong: from natural and man-made disasters to personal crises, such as illness, accidents and economic problems. Stress and strain, stress and strain. And “the power of positive thought” can’t always fix it.

Yet, today, I’m saying YES anyway! And what says YES more to me than music?!

So, I started by looking at the pop charts for songs that start with the word Yes. The first one is oxymoronic, Yes, We Have No Bananas, which charted no fewer than five times in 1923. The first version to chart went to #1. Click on HERE to hear Billy Jones with Arthur Hall & Irving Kaufman. Ben Selvin’s version ALSO went to #1. (This is sonically interesting: George Wilton Ballard on a 1927 Edisonic Beethoven Diamond Disc Phonograph.)

Also charting five times in one year is 1925’s Yes, Sir! That’s My Baby! Gene Austin’s #1 version can be heard HERE. It was also recorded by everyone from FRANK SINATRA to Ricky Nelson (#34 in 1960) and the Baja Marimba Band (#109 in 1968). A couple of non-charting 1925 versions: Dajos Bela Tanzorchester and, perhaps my favorite, Lee Morse.

A couple of YES songs charted in 1941: Yes, Indeed! by Tommy Dorsey and Yes, My Darling Daughter, by both Glenn Miller and Dinah Shore.

There are a lot more YES songs in the modern era of rock, including Yes! by Chad Brock (#22 in 2000) and Yes by Merry Clayton (#45 in 1988). But the biggest hit was Yes I’m Ready, which Barbara Mason took to #5 in 1965, only to be bested in the charts by the version from Teri DeSario w/ K.C., #2 in 1980.

Possibly my favorite YES song is Yes We Can Can, a minor hit for Lee Dorsey in 1970, as Yes We Can. Here’s the studio version, which went to #11 in 1973, and also, a Live 1974 version, featuring the composer of the song, Allen Touissant.

Oh, and there’s a GROUP called YES. Here’s Roundabout, the first song on the first YES album I owned, FRAGILE; I bought The Yes Album subsequently.

It occurred to me that one of the most famous uses of the word “yes” in film replicates a lie.

Still, I’m saying Yes. Say “yes” in your own language, be it Arabic or Bengali or Bulgarian or French or Hebrew or Italian or Japanese or Mandarin Chinese or Portuguese or Vietnamese or any other tongue you wish.

To pretty much negate a former First Lady, Just Say Yes!

ABC Wednesday

MOVIE REVIEW: The Karate Kid (2010)

Mr. Han, the taciturn maintenance man, teaches Dre kung fu. So why is this movie called the Karate Kid?

It’s date night. It’s been a while since we had one of those. I let my date pick the movie; I mean, I suppose I could have vetoed it, but I’m generally disinclined.

First, we go to dinner at a local restaurant/bar named Junior’s. The food’s OK, but it’s one of those places with about a half dozen TVs. The truly weird thing is that three of them were on the same ESPN channel, but that the broadcast at the bar was about seven seconds AHEAD of the the sets in the dining area. It was a College World Series game. Batter swings on the bar TV, batter swings on the restaurant TV. Outfielder catches the ball in the bar, outfielder makes the catch in the restaurant. ESPN logo in the bar…well, you get the idea.

So, what will we see? The choices:
Jonah Hex, the adaptation of the DC comic book; she doesn’t know Jonah Hex
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, the adaptation of an apparently popular video game that I never heard of, that’s on its last night, before being replaced by the Cruise/Diaz film, Knight and Day
Shrek Forever After, apparently the last in the franchise. We saw the first two; I would have seen this.
The A-Team, the remake of the 1980s TV show that I seldom watched
Toy Story 3 (“in Disney 3D”), the third in that series; we own the first two on video. DEFINITELY would have seen this.
Killers, that Ashton Kutcher dog, which had the honor of being the only item that wasn’t a sequel or remake.
But she picked The Karate Kid , which was fine by me. I figured she was a big fan of the original. But in fact, she hadn’t seen the original with Ralph Macchio and Noriyuki “Pat” Morita or its two follow-ups, and neither had I.

So, I’m seeing this not in the context of the previous films, but as an entity on its own.

Dre Parker (Jaden Smith from The Pursuit of Happyness) has to leave home in rundown Detroit because his widowed mom Sherry (Taraji P. Henson from Benjamin Button) got a job in Beijing, China. We know Detroit’s run down because we see ALL the boarded-up buildings. They arrive at their dwelling, where at least most of the people speak English, including a cute Chinese girl, Mei Ying (Wen Wen Han) practicing her violin. Unfortunately, this flirtation is not appreciated by the building bully, Cheng (Zhenwei Wang), who enjoys administering a beatdown (or two, or three).

Dre is FINALLY rescued by Mr. Han, the taciturn maintenance man who teaches Dre kung fu, or so Dre can participate in a wushu tournament. (So why is this movie called the Karate Kid? As Sherry says at one point, “Kung fu, karate – what’s the difference?”) Obviously it’s a ploy to extend the brand, and, I’ve read, it’s pretty faithful to the original.

What I liked: the performers; the use of China (Forbidden City, Great Wall and other locations as backdrop). What bothered me: too long (2:20) by about 20 minutes. Surely, we could have gotten the lesson about hanging up your clothes (an homage, I understand, to the original’s “Wax on, wax off”) sooner. One less beatdown of Dre would have been nice too. And it’s a sports movie, so, even if I didn’t see the 1984 film, the ending is not a shock.

Still, it had enough heart to recommend this film, produced by Jaden’s parents, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith.

Rotten Tomatoes score of 69% (as of this writing)
Roger Ebert’s positive review

A bit off the point, but Jaquandor links to a Ralph Macchio makeover (NSFW).

From TV Show to Movie

This is just not a subgenre I inherently trust. These films get made because of their familiarity…

The A-Team picture is opening this weekend. I hardly ever watched the TV show, so the only reason that I’d even consider seeing the film is that it features Liam Neeson in the George Peppard role. On the other hand, it was not made available to critics, which is usually a sign that it will suck, though the early Rotten Tomatoes score was 53, not great, but not awful. The “Consensus: For better and for worse, Joe Carnahan’s big-screen version of The A-Team captures the superficial, noisy spirit of the TV series.”

It got me to wondering: how have movies made from TV shows fared? I’m not thinking of movies such as the X-Files or Sex in the City, which are essentially continuations of the TV series, generally with the same actors. I was thinking more of the reimaginings, with new actors and directors. I limited the list to the 21st Century, because, my goodness, there are a LOT of them! BTW, I ignored animation to live action (George of the Jungle) or things that went back and forth from movies to TV to movies (Robin Hood) or anything I never heard of, but if you think I’ve missed something, by all means, let me know.

Bewitched (2005)
RT score-24
Production Budget: $85 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $63,313,159 48.2%
+ Foreign: $68,113,010 51.8%
= Worldwide: $131,426,169
The foreign box office salvaged this one. Will Ferrell starred in this; he had a cameo in Starsky & Hutch. Steve Carrell, star of Get Smart, has a cameo here.

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
RT score-43
Production Budget: $120 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $100,830,111 38.9%
+ Foreign: $158,345,677 61.1%
= Worldwide: $259,175,788
the huge foreign b.o made this sequel successful. The initial 2000 film cost less, made more money and reviewed better (RT-67)

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
RT score-14
Production Budget: $50 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $80,270,227 72.3%
+ Foreign: $30,799,288 27.7%
= Worldwide: $111,069,515
Despite scathing reviews, made money. I have to think it was, in large part, because of Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke.

Get Smart (2008)
RT score-52
Production Budget: $80 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $130,319,208 56.5%
+ Foreign: $100,366,245 43.5%
= Worldwide: $230,685,453
I should see this.

The Honeymooners (2005)
RT score-14
Production Budget: $25 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $12,843,849 97.4%
+ Foreign: $339,577 2.6%
= Worldwide: $13,183,426
On the title track of Quincy Jones’ eclectic 1989 album Back on the Block, there’s a couplet offered up by Big Daddy Kane:
We shoulda got our freedom much sooner
You never seen a blackman on The Honeymooners
I have no knowledge of this, but I have to wonder if that sentiment was the inspiration for this quite unsuccessful remake with a predominantly black cast.

I Spy (2002)
RT score-15
Production Budget: $70 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $33,561,137 66.2%
+ Foreign: $17,171,808 33.8%
= Worldwide: $50,732,945
This Eddie Murphy bomb also featured Owen Wilson, who would fare better a couple years later in Starky & Hutch.

Miami Vice (2006)
RT score-47
Production Budget: $135 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $63,450,470 38.7%
+ Foreign: $100,344,039 61.3%
= Worldwide: $163,794,509
Colin Ferrell was in this and the earlier, and equally middling cop-based film, S.W.A.T., though S.W.A.T. had the better domestic gross.

Mission: Impossible III (2006)
RT score 70 (1996-57,2000-57)
Production Budget: $150 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $134,029,801 33.7%
+ Foreign: $263,820,211 66.3%
= Worldwide: $397,850,012
Interesting that the third film rated better than the predecessors in 1996 and 2000 (both 57), but the original and the first sequel were more profitable. this begs the question about the potential success of the fourth film, scheduled for release in 2011.

Star Trek (2009)
RT score-94
Production Budget: $150 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $257,730,019 66.9%
+ Foreign: $127,764,536 33.1%
= Worldwide: $385,494,555
Don’t know if I should count this one, given all of its cinematic antecedents, but it seemed to meet the criteria. Definitely need to see this film.

Starsky & Hutch (2004)
RT score-63
Production Budget: $60 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $88,237,754 51.8%
+ Foreign: $82,030,996 48.2%
= Worldwide: $170,268,750
This Ben Stiller film did better than I recalled.

S.W.A.T. (2003)
RT score-48
Production Budget: $80 million
Total Lifetime Grosses
Domestic: $116,934,650 56.3%
+ Foreign: $90,790,989 43.7%
= Worldwide: $207,725,639

So this is just not a subgenre I inherently trust. These films get made because of their familiarity, but often, the film is schlock, the box office is disappointing, or both. This is not to say that these movies are always a bust – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106977/ The Fugitive (1994) was a big hit commercially and critically, though the TV show based on the movie, which had been based on the TV show, was not.

I’m also wary of TV-to-TV remakes. I have oddly fond memories of Hawaii 5-0, and the remake this fall doesn’t excite me, not because it will necessarily be bad, but because it won’t be what I want from that brand. Still, I’ll check out the new version – maybe.